200kph in the wrong direction

Ok, I'm not actually sure about it being the wrong direction.   That's just the name of an album I love (200 useless points to anyone who can tell the artist) and I have always wanted to use it for something.

Today I didn't log my food.  Bad me.  I also ate quite a bit but I tried to stay to protien packed filling foods. In fact, my lunch was so awesome and filling (and also pretty packed with protien) that I skipped dinner.  I know, I know, don't skip meals, but seriously yall, I ate at 11 am and I'm still stuffed.  Please don't make me eat again.

Why didn't I log today.  Because I actually have been moving about 90 mph since I woke up this morning.  I thought this was the day that would never end.  We had inventory prep at work (on top of all the normal stuff I do everyday) and I got off late, picked up the kids, went to a boy scout meeting because they HAD to be boy scouts (let me point out here that I am an atheist and against the whole religious aspect of the boy scouts, but who am I to let my religious beliefs, or lack there of, keeps someone from something they so dearly want.  *you see that Kim Davis, that's how it's done*)

But I digress. 

Actually the boys got their first badges today which I admit was kind of unexpected and they are raring to go earn more.  So, it looks like my life will be a bit more active, and that's never a bad thing.

I am not disappointed that I didn't log.  I am not worried if I went over my calories or not.  I will not let little distractions throw me off course.  Tomorrow I will pick back up and start again, with the same vigor I started with today.

I did take my measurements yesterday.  Ugh!  If that doesn't motivate me to work hard I don't know what will.

The down side today (I know some people try to find the joy and goodness in every day, I try to look for the downers for 2 reasons.  1. There can be no good without the bad, it helps me keep my balance and 2. Sometimes when you go back over how bad your day was you realize that it wasn't that bad after all and you can adapt and overcome, well, I can at least)...so the downside is that my knee hurts a lot.  I jarred it pretty good earlier and I think that's causing the ache.  But I've got it iced and elevated and it is not going to stop me!

Weight loss progress: dunno, forgot to weigh in today.  Probably still down.....maybe
Water intake: nearly 100 ounces. 

Now if I can just manage to sleep through the night I will be in the most happiest

Trial and error: day one

I thought I knew what I was doing.  Today is the first "official" day of my weight loss trial.  (And by trial I don't mean that's it's an experiment per se).  I did so much research and even bought all kinds of neat things.  I know it's not going to click all at once, and honestly I'm not even discouraged with today because I AM AWARE.  I see where I went wrong and I know what to tweak and change in the near future.

I started out today 4.2 pounds down from my original weight, so it's not like I've not made progress.  And, again, I know there will be a few little changes to be made here and there, I'm not going to master it on the first day.

The good:  I was not starving at any point today.  I brought my own healthy snacks and severely limited the amount of crap I ate. (I'm a candy addict yall, it's a problem).  I feel as though, once I've gotten my numbers tweaked, this is something I can keep up, which is probably the most important part.

The bad:  I was over my calories  (at least on 2 apps) and my macro numbers were kind of all over. Carbs are still my favorite.  My fats number was pretty spot on, but I was severely lacking in protien.  This is my biggest issue.  I need to up my protien in a big way.  I'm not sure what kind of snacks/meals I need to achieve this and still stay within my range.  Peanut butter?  Maybe?

I plan on taking measurements tonight, because once I start working out, inches are going to become more important than pounds.  While my mac and cheese killed what was left of my food calories (or threw me flying into the abyss of way too much, depending on who's app you are using) I still feel as if today was a good start.  It began with a multivitamin, and a good breakfast and went on from there.  I'm actually pretty excited to try to tweak it tomorrow and see where I end up.  I think this first two weeks will probably be trial and error food wise but so far I'm still losing so it ain't all bad.

Onward and downward

Official weight loss progress, 4.2 pounds.  281.8

Things you learn on a Sunday

Tomorrow begins my official weigh in and weight loss experiment.  Today I learned about counting macros (protien, fat and carbs)  I read more blogs that should even be possible and decided that I am going to cut back on the cardio (when the dr clears me to work out) and do mostly strength training.  Basically I am going to eat ns workout like a body builder.  I'm going to calculate how many calories I need (which is more complicated than it sounds because I've used a number of calculators/apps and I've gotten a different number each time, so that's fun)
I am also going to use a number of apps.  I've downloaded a few.  It will be hectic at first because of all the apps, but I will eventually cut down to just one I really like, or stop using them altogether once I get the hang of it.  My ultimate goal is to be able to just know where I need to be in terms of eating without the electronic assistance.

I did buy a food scale today, along with some protien packed snack items.  I haven't decided what to do with actual meals yet but I'm trying to make one small change at a time so that it's not a huge life upset and throws me into chaos and turmoil.  Basically this week is a test run.

I also played monopoly for the first time today, like legitimately played.  Didn't finish the game but at least I know what to do.

I'm staying up later than usual to go watch this super moon eclipse thing going on.  So that should be pretty damn cool.

Just another day

Today is my anniversary.  I've been married to the same fella for 7 years.  We've been together 10 with two amazing little boys and a house full of furry and scaly children to boot.
He asked me this morning what I wanted to do today and I had no idea.  I was having kind of a down day on the depression front so I basically told him I really don't want to do anything.  Luckily, I have a good one, and that's basi what I was able to do.  Spend some time by myself in my quiet place with a book until the mood passed. 
THEN we went out and had some fun.  Ate at a cool little place in town that is supposed to be haunted but the food is AMAZING so who cares about a few ghosts right?

Today I really stopped to think about how lucky I am.  How I could have found someone else to marry and how things could have gone horribly wrong over the years.  Sure we've had our ups and downs, who doesnt, but we always come through it stronger and more understanding of each other.  We are both aware of each others faults and are able to get past them.

Basically we are pretty awesome.

In other news, I did basically nothing today.  I've been staying under my calories for the most part, though I did snack quite a bit today.  To my credit, I finally opened the package of oreos that have been in pantry for 3 days and I ate exactly 4.  I STOPPED AT 4 OREOS!!!  I don't think yall understand the power oreos have over me.

I've also managed to drink my weight in water today, but given my binge drunk last night and the stomach bug I've been fighting I believe it's barely gotten me back to hyrated. But I'm making progress. 

I've decided to officially weigh in on Monday mornings, just for the ease of timing.  Why not?

Time to go, hubs is singing his chores to the tune of wizard of Oz songs and it's incredibly funny to me. 

Unofficial Weight loss progress:  down??

Day 3

So, today I stayed home from work because last night my child thought projectile vomit would make a good room decor.   To say the least it was an exciting, if not terribly restful night.  He still felt kind of blase this morning, so he and I stayed home. 

It was kind of good because I got a lot of research done.  I looked into a lot of programs and diets and even a few apps, basically looking for the tools that would be the most advantageous to me and my current struggle.  I also found a few charts and tracking tools that will help me along the way.

Again, I did no exercise, but I did pay better attention to my eating and found that I snack more than I had originally thought.  I also have an addiction to milk.  I love it.  I may have to cut it back a bit. 

I was going to take my measurement today but I got caught up in a couple other things.  I now have another super huge reason to buckle down and get this weight off.  And I will do it!

I have also been given a task or two that will take my mind off of the incredible  boredom I'm faced with daily.  I've got a mission that engages my brain and that means I'll spend less time eating to cure my boredom.  Less, hmmm, maybe I'm hungry, when in fact I'm not.

So there's where we are on day 3

Unofficial weight loss progress: 5 pounds down
Water intake: two liters

Off we go!

Official progress will begin when I can decide the best time to weigh myself each week.

Day 2 reflections

Today I took some time to think about why I quit last time I tried weight loss.  I quit because, frankly it sucks.  It sucks to remember to log everything you eat. It sucks to push your body.  It sucks being out of breath or sore. To carry around a little notebook or drain your battery trying to input food and workout data into an app on your phone. Sweat.  Sweat sucks.  It sucks because, well, math.  I hate math, I'm no good at math and I severely dislike number problems.  Sadly that's what weight loss is, it's math.  Numbers in vs. Numbers out.  This many macros and micronutrients, if I eat this I have to run one more mile, this this and this will put me over for the day, but wait, this has too many carbs so I'll put this instead. 

I HATE it.

But I'm not going to let that stop me.

Some other issues I've discovered.   One is my job.  I love my job, it's awesome, but I don't move much.  I basically sit at a desk all day.  Plus I can have my phone inside to log (and I've already tried the notebook, I lost 3).  Lastly, I rarely take lunches at work.  I don't go out and spend money on food.  Why? Because my job feeds me.  Sure, it's prison food, but I find myself trying to see food more as fuel and less as a decadent thing.  I just shovel in what I'm given.  The worst part is that I have NO IDEA how to log it.  Not a clue.  I'm not even sure what's in it (sounds terrible doesn't it) But, it's free and I'm hungry so there you have it.

On another note, I found my favorite belt hidden in the back of my closet.  I can't even get it around me.  I have maybe an inch before I can snap it into the biggest possible position.  So, what does this mean?  This means I have a new goal.  A mini one, sure, but I will be wearing that belt by the end of this year.  I realize that does seem like a long time, and I will probably be wearing it much sooner than that, but that's where I'm at with it now. 

I was going to take measurements tonight but then my child started vomiting and, well, that kind of derailed my whole day.  Something about acidic high velocity spatter coming out of him has really put me off.  So I think I'm just gonna try to get him to rest and pick back up tomorrow.

Weight loss progress-- no change

It begins.....again

286

That's what I weighed this morning.  TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SIX POUNDS. 

I need to make a change.  I've said that before.  I remember it, and I'm sure my followers (what few of you I have after 2 years of a silence).   5 years ago I had quite a bit of success, but for some reason or another, I got off track and now here I am again.  Huge.  I feel old, sluggish, tired, and just and around bleh.  I feel slow and heavy and dammit I don't like it.

I have a support system.  I have friends who are local and willing to help in any way possible.  I have people to motivate me, but who will continue to love me the way I am if I fail.  I have the information I need.  I've done this before after all....

Things I'm going to do differently this time:
1. Take the advice: look into the things people tell me about and don't discount anything as a "fad" because maybe that's just the jumpstart I need
2. Look into programs: maybe I need that structure.  The support and meetings and the ease of it all. (Weight loss is never "easy" but it seems so much simpler on a program)
3. Increments: mini goals.  I ultimately want to lose 100 pounds but maybe like, 10 by Halloween.  20 by Thanksgiving...  mini goals
4. Focus on other aspects: don't let the scale rule all.  I am going to check that little bastard regularly, but I will gauge my success on other things, like how my clothes fit, how much more I can lift, how much faster and farther I can run, how good I feel.  Real indications
5. Measurements: I'm going to take them tonight and I'm going to keep track.  Because the scale is only one set of number
6. Big rewards: I'm considering putting a dollar in a jar for each pound I lose.  Then when I reach my goal, using that money (and whatever else I toss in there, because I hate change in my pocket) to do something I've always wanted to do, or buy something I've wanted forever just didn't want to throw the money at it.
7. Involve the family: it will be easier when it's not just me.  I want to get my kids motivated to.  I could just go running, or we could take a family bike ride.  I could do sprints, or I could play soccer or basketball with the boys.  I could do laps, or I can race the kids in the pool.  Involve them, let them know what's going on.  It will help them in the long run as well.
8. Focus on food: before I would eat whatever the hell I wanted and just work off the extra.  This time the food changes come first.  I'm going to focus on eating and then on working out. (It's actually kind of a matter of necessity more than anything, given that my knee is currently broken and I will need to eventually have surgery.)  Research and learn how to make better, more sustainable food choices.  Don't take the easy way out.  Whole, non processed food when able.  More water.  Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
9. Write it down: I will be blogging this entire journey.  Starting today.  I don't know if it will be a daily or weekly blog, but this is where I'm at.  I will add pictures, recipes, thoughts, feelings, frustrations....anything that comes to kind.  The good and the bad.  It will all be available here.  My dirty little life exposed for everyone to see how the fun healthy, skinnier me is reborn from this mess I am now.
10. DO NOT GIVE UP: realize that I will falter and there will be setback.  I will get up and I will carry on.  No more "well I fucked that up, let's eat a whole pizza and get drunk"  no.  I'm done.  The new me starts now!

If you don't care to follow my journey, don't.  If you want to follow along and fight with me, please do.  If you just want to read and thank whatever deity you believe in that you don't have to be this pathetic sap that can't function properly, that's ok too.  If you have advice, recipes, ideas, feelings, workouts, please share.  I'm willing to listen and learn.  I want to do this right and make this the last time I ever have to put together something like this blog.