Annual Checkup

Wow,

I seem to be really good at taking a year off of this thing. I'm sorry y'all. No more of that. It's just that I'm pretty busy. Since I last was on here, I have been keeping myself going. I am still a ghostwriter and working on some projects of my own (when I find the time.) I also do audio, host a podcast, and am going to start a craft blog because we do a TON of crafts, so be on the lookout for that one. Life of Xaoc will go back to being a story about my crazy life and more of an online journal for anyone to follow the crazy things I do. I'll still post stuff about music, movies, life, work, exercise, food, crafts, photography, you know, pretty much everything. I like to keep busy. So, stay tuned for new blogs and even more Xaoc (which, if you are wondering, is Russian for chaos) because Xaoc is my life.

Thanks for you continued following. I do appreciate it.

-MK

Busy is the Land of Chaos

Whoo,

I feel like I've gone missing for some time and for the few actual followers I have, I am sorry. I get so caught up in all the four million things that I have time for now that I tend to neglect the little things like spilling my guts and whining about my life in my blog post.

I joke, this is not one of those.

All in all things are looking pretty well. I do NOT have a steady income, but I feel more empowered by it somehow. I don't get paid for just showing up, I get paid for the work I actually do and that is a feeling I can't describe to anyone who puts in the hours. I think I found my problem with the workforce. It has been so clear to me all along, while I was getting paid the same amount for working my ass off that others were getting for being lazy as hell. How did I miss it for so long?

No matter, I love my job(s) now because none of them feel like work. I get paid to wash my face, share my imagination, help others bring their imaginations to life, make crafty little things for fun. I am soon going to get paid for reading books. WHO WOULDN'T LOVE THAT? Do I miss the steady hourly income?  Not really. I don't do much outside my house, never did. I don't tend to spend a lot of money, especially now that I don't have to fill up my gas tank every week or pay for daycare for my children.

I've been offered a chance to clear all the crazy out of my brain and get paid for it. What?!?!

But, I digress. So, what have I been doing lately?  Reading. Writing. Drawing. Creating. Finding myself in my art. Learning new skills. Enriching my life with knowledge. Spending time with my kids. Taking pictures. Teaching. Reaching out. All the things I never managed before.

Now do you see why I never have 5 minutes to sit down and bang out a blog post. I'll try to be better. I really do need to keep up my "professional" blog on the other site. I hope yall are looking forward to seeing more of me. I'm not stopping,

New Directions

No, this is not a blog about Glee.  I could probably do that, but now is not the time.  My new directions are phenomenally different, mostly because I can't carry a tune.  For as much as I love music, I was cursed with the inability to master and instrument and a horrible singing voice.  The world played a cruel joke on me.

My new directions are moving towards writing.  Since I lost my job, I have been trying to figure out ways to make money from home, I simply don't have the patience to deal with people.  I need a job where I can work on my own time, and do things my own way.  A very good friend of mine pointed me towards a site that helps freelance writers find work.  So far, I've done fairly well there.  Nothing that will get me rich overnight, but I at least feel like I'm helping with family finances.  I don't make near as much as I would working at a menial, minimum wage job......yet.  I am learning new skills and building a reputation. For the most part, my clients are thrilled with my thorough research, writing skills, and quick turn around. The big plus is that I can work when I want, within reason, and have the ability to be here at home when my kids are sick, or participate in school functions with them.  I have missed way to many school parties because "I had to work".  I'm done with all of that.

It has been hard starting out, mostly because the holidays are upon us, and I am making little money, but I feel confident that as I learn new skills and hone my writing, I'll pick up bigger jobs and make better money.  I also am learning to do a few crafty things that I may be able to sell in the future to help.  Most of all, I am doing something I enjoy, which is a nice change.

I have decided to try my hand at writing a book.  I don't know how it will go, I tend to do better with the more non-fiction things I can research.  I love to focus on details and I feel this will make any fiction attempt of mine far to slow, as far as reading goes.  I'm not sure though.  I have been developing these wonderful characters in my head for some time, but have been loathe to lay them out on paper.  That ended last night. I wrote the first 3 chapters for some of my favorite characters. I'b beginning to realize that choosing my favorites to write about first might be a mistake, because I don't thing there is a plausible way to turn there story into a serial, and I don't know if I will be satisfied with my first attempt enough to have "wasted" my favorites.

I do, however, really fucking like them, so I'm going for it.  I've got a couple of beta readers lined up to help me tweak the flow and movement of the story, as well as read along for errors in spelling and punctuation.  I have been researching how to self publish, in case I ever get to that point.  All in all, I have been working hard.  I had never dreamed of writing for a living, but sometimes your dreams never do become a reality, but your reality can become the stuff of dreams

Inches Matter or a Matter of Inches

Guys!  I can not begin to tell y'all how important it is to ditch that scale and find other ways of measuring your success.  And I say success because that is what you will get.  A slight up fluctuation can send you into a tailspin and make you feel like a failure, that is the problem with weighing daily or weakly.  I can honestly say that I have NO IDEA how much I weigh right now.  While I'm not altogether comfortable with the shape of my body, I'm learning new ways to use it, to change it, alter it to be the body I want it to be.  I don't care much about society standars, I want to be fit, healthy and strong for me.  Ok, mostly for my poor knees, which actually means I will have to weigh less, but that's kind of like an added benefit to this whole thing.

So today, after my kettlebell workout (which totally kicked my butt today,) I went for my usual 3 mile walk.  It rained a bit so I got a little wet.  I mean, that's what happens when you walk out in the rain!  Anyway, when I got home, I noticed my shirt seemed a little longer than usual.  I figured maybe cuz it was wet?  No matter the case I went ahead and did some chores, showered, etc.  The next shirt I put.....also seemingly really long to me.  Maybe I just never noticed they were that long, but I'm pretty sure when I wore these and put my hands over my head, my belly would hang out. "Hello world, look at me, the grotesque underbelly, behold my pale and flabby fabulousness!"  So I did an experiment.

Bet you can't guess what I did....

That's right, I put my arms up.  Simple test right.  Guess what, no mondo  (thanks for that  name Jessica. I'll never forget it.) So what happened?  My shirt did not come up past the button on my jeans!

For some of you, this may be no big deal, but let me tell you the secret of my extrodinarily long torso.  Finding a shirt to fit is nearly impossible,  so I tend to wear men's t shirts....when those ride up over my gut, it makes me sad.  When my favorite t shirts no longer ride high, I feel amazing. 

I decided to unofficially take my measurements.  I'm down at least 1/4 to a half inch in most of the areas, and something like almost 8 inches in my waist.  I swear I must have measured wrong before because I don't feel like I've burned that much fat away, and I'm still really big, but the changes are happening. 

So don't be discouraged by the scale. Remember there are other ways to measure your changes, even if they aren't so concrete.  Remember, the more inches you move, the more inches you lose.  Am I right? 

My New Life....So Far

You guys, I have sooooo much time on my hands.  It's freaking awesome.  Last week I cleaned one room every day.  My house is so clean now.  Then I worked out.  Literally every day I did a work out. I even went for hour long walks.  Why? Because I have time to!!

Basically, I'm liking this stay at home thing.  I have found a few legitimate jobs online as a freelance writer, so I'm testing my chops there.  Maybe I can make a full-time go of it.  Who knows?

I feel like I am much more involved in life now.  I get to actually see my husband daily since I don't work while he is home now.  That is such a nice thing.  When I take the kids to school, I am up early, and able to actually get things accomplished.  I check in at "work" see if there's any thing that interests me and then I work out, clean, work on projects, you know, whatever the hell I want.

I feel as though I'm repeating myself, sorry, I'm excited.

Last week we decided to try to grocery shop more frugally, buy things that we can make last longer so we spend less per month at the store.  I don't think we've mastered it quite yet, but we will get there.  I think our first trip was rather successful (Hubs may think otherwise, he is such a downer sometimes).

I am not sure if I want to look for part-time work locally to fill the hours/help out with the bills or focus on doing what makes me happy.  It's a fine line and it's hard to know where the tipping point is.  I reckon I'll keep on keeping on where I'm at for now and see how it pans out.  I am loathe to make plans because, to be perfectly honest, NOTHING EVER WORKS OUT AS PLANNED!  Ever!

I have physical therapy this week.  Gee, that will be fun.  At least I'll get a good workout in that day, right?  Is that the bright side?  Maybe they have a scale.  I'm not sure if I want to get on it though, because what if I haven't lost any weight?  Despite working my ass off and trying to eat moderately, what if I'm stuck before I ever got going?  Stuff of nightmares, that is.

Since I have so much time, I may try my hand at crochet again.  My brother is making me look bad with his mastery of the art.  Can't have that now, can we?

I promise to try to update more often, but really what you've just read is my life.  I have no real wisdom to impart, just popping in to say that if you follow me, thank you.  Don't give up on me, I'm not giving up on myself.  You should follow suit.  You are a rock star in your own right.

Cheers!

On a whim

So most of you probably don't know (because I don't make a habit of putting my personal shit out there *snicker* yeah right) but I have not been working this week. 

You see I did something incredibly stupid at work on Monday and it has, by my own actions, caused me to have to be put on administrative leave until it can be sorted, if it can be sorted.  Again, this was my own doing and while I feel like a complete idiot about it, no point in dwelling because, as Dorothy says in the Return to Oz, "It can't be helped, Jack".  So I am doing the best I can with what I've got.

As you may have probably guessed, not working means no income (the biggest chink in my armour, especially with holidays right around the corner)  geez, I could kick myself for not thinking through my actions....

Anywho, as my husband and I were debating what to do and how to keep from drowning in debt (as if we weren't already in danger of that!) I have decided to try to live as frugally as possible, get out of debt and try to make a go at it on his income.  You know, in case I'm not allowed to return to work. (If I am allowed to return, it would also be an advantageous move to get us out of debt so really it's kind of win/win)

Now, here is the trick, did you know you have to make have money to make money, and you have to make money to save money.  It's a vicious cycle really. 

That will not stop me.  In fact I kind of look forward to the challenge.  It will not be easy, not by any means, but if we buckle down and work as a team, I think we can make it happen.  I told the hubs that I bet we could be completely debt free in 5 years (really I think, besides the house mortgage, we can probably beat that, but let's not get hasty).

So, essentially,  if you see me struggling, remind me of the good of this plan, no debt, more time with my kids, less over all stress, the ability to actually get things accomplished (won't that be nice).

I really hope I am allowed to return to work, I mean I really like my job, and despite my temporary stupidity, I think I am a fairly good employee.  I guess I just wait and see how the cards lay at the end.  In the mean time, scrimp, save, buckle down, research, learn, apply, tweak, repeat.  We can do this!

Day 2 reflections

Today I took some time to think about why I quit last time I tried weight loss.  I quit because, frankly it sucks.  It sucks to remember to log everything you eat. It sucks to push your body.  It sucks being out of breath or sore. To carry around a little notebook or drain your battery trying to input food and workout data into an app on your phone. Sweat.  Sweat sucks.  It sucks because, well, math.  I hate math, I'm no good at math and I severely dislike number problems.  Sadly that's what weight loss is, it's math.  Numbers in vs. Numbers out.  This many macros and micronutrients, if I eat this I have to run one more mile, this this and this will put me over for the day, but wait, this has too many carbs so I'll put this instead. 

I HATE it.

But I'm not going to let that stop me.

Some other issues I've discovered.   One is my job.  I love my job, it's awesome, but I don't move much.  I basically sit at a desk all day.  Plus I can have my phone inside to log (and I've already tried the notebook, I lost 3).  Lastly, I rarely take lunches at work.  I don't go out and spend money on food.  Why? Because my job feeds me.  Sure, it's prison food, but I find myself trying to see food more as fuel and less as a decadent thing.  I just shovel in what I'm given.  The worst part is that I have NO IDEA how to log it.  Not a clue.  I'm not even sure what's in it (sounds terrible doesn't it) But, it's free and I'm hungry so there you have it.

On another note, I found my favorite belt hidden in the back of my closet.  I can't even get it around me.  I have maybe an inch before I can snap it into the biggest possible position.  So, what does this mean?  This means I have a new goal.  A mini one, sure, but I will be wearing that belt by the end of this year.  I realize that does seem like a long time, and I will probably be wearing it much sooner than that, but that's where I'm at with it now. 

I was going to take measurements tonight but then my child started vomiting and, well, that kind of derailed my whole day.  Something about acidic high velocity spatter coming out of him has really put me off.  So I think I'm just gonna try to get him to rest and pick back up tomorrow.

Weight loss progress-- no change