Just another day

Today is my anniversary.  I've been married to the same fella for 7 years.  We've been together 10 with two amazing little boys and a house full of furry and scaly children to boot.
He asked me this morning what I wanted to do today and I had no idea.  I was having kind of a down day on the depression front so I basically told him I really don't want to do anything.  Luckily, I have a good one, and that's basi what I was able to do.  Spend some time by myself in my quiet place with a book until the mood passed. 
THEN we went out and had some fun.  Ate at a cool little place in town that is supposed to be haunted but the food is AMAZING so who cares about a few ghosts right?

Today I really stopped to think about how lucky I am.  How I could have found someone else to marry and how things could have gone horribly wrong over the years.  Sure we've had our ups and downs, who doesnt, but we always come through it stronger and more understanding of each other.  We are both aware of each others faults and are able to get past them.

Basically we are pretty awesome.

In other news, I did basically nothing today.  I've been staying under my calories for the most part, though I did snack quite a bit today.  To my credit, I finally opened the package of oreos that have been in pantry for 3 days and I ate exactly 4.  I STOPPED AT 4 OREOS!!!  I don't think yall understand the power oreos have over me.

I've also managed to drink my weight in water today, but given my binge drunk last night and the stomach bug I've been fighting I believe it's barely gotten me back to hyrated. But I'm making progress. 

I've decided to officially weigh in on Monday mornings, just for the ease of timing.  Why not?

Time to go, hubs is singing his chores to the tune of wizard of Oz songs and it's incredibly funny to me. 

Unofficial Weight loss progress:  down??

Day 3

So, today I stayed home from work because last night my child thought projectile vomit would make a good room decor.   To say the least it was an exciting, if not terribly restful night.  He still felt kind of blase this morning, so he and I stayed home. 

It was kind of good because I got a lot of research done.  I looked into a lot of programs and diets and even a few apps, basically looking for the tools that would be the most advantageous to me and my current struggle.  I also found a few charts and tracking tools that will help me along the way.

Again, I did no exercise, but I did pay better attention to my eating and found that I snack more than I had originally thought.  I also have an addiction to milk.  I love it.  I may have to cut it back a bit. 

I was going to take my measurement today but I got caught up in a couple other things.  I now have another super huge reason to buckle down and get this weight off.  And I will do it!

I have also been given a task or two that will take my mind off of the incredible  boredom I'm faced with daily.  I've got a mission that engages my brain and that means I'll spend less time eating to cure my boredom.  Less, hmmm, maybe I'm hungry, when in fact I'm not.

So there's where we are on day 3

Unofficial weight loss progress: 5 pounds down
Water intake: two liters

Off we go!

Official progress will begin when I can decide the best time to weigh myself each week.

Day 2 reflections

Today I took some time to think about why I quit last time I tried weight loss.  I quit because, frankly it sucks.  It sucks to remember to log everything you eat. It sucks to push your body.  It sucks being out of breath or sore. To carry around a little notebook or drain your battery trying to input food and workout data into an app on your phone. Sweat.  Sweat sucks.  It sucks because, well, math.  I hate math, I'm no good at math and I severely dislike number problems.  Sadly that's what weight loss is, it's math.  Numbers in vs. Numbers out.  This many macros and micronutrients, if I eat this I have to run one more mile, this this and this will put me over for the day, but wait, this has too many carbs so I'll put this instead. 

I HATE it.

But I'm not going to let that stop me.

Some other issues I've discovered.   One is my job.  I love my job, it's awesome, but I don't move much.  I basically sit at a desk all day.  Plus I can have my phone inside to log (and I've already tried the notebook, I lost 3).  Lastly, I rarely take lunches at work.  I don't go out and spend money on food.  Why? Because my job feeds me.  Sure, it's prison food, but I find myself trying to see food more as fuel and less as a decadent thing.  I just shovel in what I'm given.  The worst part is that I have NO IDEA how to log it.  Not a clue.  I'm not even sure what's in it (sounds terrible doesn't it) But, it's free and I'm hungry so there you have it.

On another note, I found my favorite belt hidden in the back of my closet.  I can't even get it around me.  I have maybe an inch before I can snap it into the biggest possible position.  So, what does this mean?  This means I have a new goal.  A mini one, sure, but I will be wearing that belt by the end of this year.  I realize that does seem like a long time, and I will probably be wearing it much sooner than that, but that's where I'm at with it now. 

I was going to take measurements tonight but then my child started vomiting and, well, that kind of derailed my whole day.  Something about acidic high velocity spatter coming out of him has really put me off.  So I think I'm just gonna try to get him to rest and pick back up tomorrow.

Weight loss progress-- no change

It begins.....again

286

That's what I weighed this morning.  TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SIX POUNDS. 

I need to make a change.  I've said that before.  I remember it, and I'm sure my followers (what few of you I have after 2 years of a silence).   5 years ago I had quite a bit of success, but for some reason or another, I got off track and now here I am again.  Huge.  I feel old, sluggish, tired, and just and around bleh.  I feel slow and heavy and dammit I don't like it.

I have a support system.  I have friends who are local and willing to help in any way possible.  I have people to motivate me, but who will continue to love me the way I am if I fail.  I have the information I need.  I've done this before after all....

Things I'm going to do differently this time:
1. Take the advice: look into the things people tell me about and don't discount anything as a "fad" because maybe that's just the jumpstart I need
2. Look into programs: maybe I need that structure.  The support and meetings and the ease of it all. (Weight loss is never "easy" but it seems so much simpler on a program)
3. Increments: mini goals.  I ultimately want to lose 100 pounds but maybe like, 10 by Halloween.  20 by Thanksgiving...  mini goals
4. Focus on other aspects: don't let the scale rule all.  I am going to check that little bastard regularly, but I will gauge my success on other things, like how my clothes fit, how much more I can lift, how much faster and farther I can run, how good I feel.  Real indications
5. Measurements: I'm going to take them tonight and I'm going to keep track.  Because the scale is only one set of number
6. Big rewards: I'm considering putting a dollar in a jar for each pound I lose.  Then when I reach my goal, using that money (and whatever else I toss in there, because I hate change in my pocket) to do something I've always wanted to do, or buy something I've wanted forever just didn't want to throw the money at it.
7. Involve the family: it will be easier when it's not just me.  I want to get my kids motivated to.  I could just go running, or we could take a family bike ride.  I could do sprints, or I could play soccer or basketball with the boys.  I could do laps, or I can race the kids in the pool.  Involve them, let them know what's going on.  It will help them in the long run as well.
8. Focus on food: before I would eat whatever the hell I wanted and just work off the extra.  This time the food changes come first.  I'm going to focus on eating and then on working out. (It's actually kind of a matter of necessity more than anything, given that my knee is currently broken and I will need to eventually have surgery.)  Research and learn how to make better, more sustainable food choices.  Don't take the easy way out.  Whole, non processed food when able.  More water.  Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
9. Write it down: I will be blogging this entire journey.  Starting today.  I don't know if it will be a daily or weekly blog, but this is where I'm at.  I will add pictures, recipes, thoughts, feelings, frustrations....anything that comes to kind.  The good and the bad.  It will all be available here.  My dirty little life exposed for everyone to see how the fun healthy, skinnier me is reborn from this mess I am now.
10. DO NOT GIVE UP: realize that I will falter and there will be setback.  I will get up and I will carry on.  No more "well I fucked that up, let's eat a whole pizza and get drunk"  no.  I'm done.  The new me starts now!

If you don't care to follow my journey, don't.  If you want to follow along and fight with me, please do.  If you just want to read and thank whatever deity you believe in that you don't have to be this pathetic sap that can't function properly, that's ok too.  If you have advice, recipes, ideas, feelings, workouts, please share.  I'm willing to listen and learn.  I want to do this right and make this the last time I ever have to put together something like this blog.

New Year, New Skills

I have already mentioned this on Facebook, but I think that while I fulfill my resolution this year, I will track it here on my blog.  So, as it now stands, I have resolved to teach myself one new thing a month for the entire year.  That is at least 12 new skills I mean to pick up this year.  I already have a boat load of skills, but some could use a brush up and some are things that I have just always wanted to do but never put in the time to make it happen.  This year, each month, I will focus on a new skill and spend at least 1-3 hours each day working on it.  I am still taking suggestions for skills, but I have some that I definitely want to work on and fully intend to make this things work.  Here is my list so far.

January-- ASL.  I KNOW one can not learn and entire language in a month, believe me, of all people I know this.  However, I fully intend to learn enough to be guide book conversational by the end of January.  I picked this skill for the first month because, given the resources available to me (between youtube and the library) it is a relatively free skill to tackle so that appeals to me as the first of the year is always a bit tight.  I also hope to develop the habit of "talking with my hands" or making gestures as I speak, which will aid in the continued learning of the language year round

February-- I think I want to dedicate February to baking.  I am terrible in the kitchen, but it would be nice to learn how to make at least one signature baked good.  Maybe a certain type of cookie or at least a decent cake.  I chose February for this because, frankly, its the shortest month and I really do not need THAT many baked goods.  I do not believe that I will be baking one thing a day but maybe 2-3 times a week I will try a new recipe.

March-- Meatless March (this one is dependent on if I can talk my husband into the challenge).  Basically, I want to learn to cook without meat products.  This serves two purposes; 1. after a month of baked goods, I'm gonna need to back off the fat foods and take a healthier break and 2. I really do want to learn how to make delicious foods with no meat simply because it would be an alternative to the same ol' things we always have.

April-- (undecided)

May--(Still undecided)

June-- In June (or possibly May depending on how the weather works out this year) I am going to try my hand at gardening again.  Maybe by this time I will have my greenhouse redesigned and in working order, in which case I intend to try my green thumb on vegetables (another reason to learn to make meatless dishes). In the case of not having my greenhouse up and running, I want to build a tiered herb garden.  The challenge here is to build something that I will be able to sustain for some time (in fairness, usually all my plants die before a month is up)

July-- (undecided)

August-- (still got nothing)

September--Sing on September.  During the month of my birth I plan on completing a goal I have had for a very long time.  I WILL learn (master) at least one song (using chords) on my guitar.  If I have to play until my fingers bleed, I will learn one.  This one I placed at the end of the year so I can take a bit of time to try to teach myself how to read music.

October--Ollie October.  Call me crazy but I have always wanted to learn how to Ollie on a skateboard.  It seems like a nothing task for some, but I have never been able to accomplish it.  I don't care about crazy grinds and flips, I just want to get the board in the air. (my husband says I should make sure our insurance covers stuff like this.....dude has no faith, I swear)

November--Nail art November.  I am kind of obsessed with nail art.  I want to learn how to paint my nails with little mess and master a few really cool designs or styles.  I placed this one so far down in the year because a)I need time to buy a few (lot) nail colors (since I can't seem to find the ones I previously had) and b) I will probably need to let them grow back out after I cut them short to work on my guitar playing.  Come to think of it, I may have to move one or the other to a different slot....

December-- (undecided)

So there it is.  I've got my year about half full.  I fully intend to also work on some yoga this year as well as mastering a new stitch or learn to crochet this year, I'm just not sure where to fit them in my schedule.  I'm still looking for things to fill up the other slots.  Some one suggested a cool doodling thing (Zentangle).  Also on the list are calligraphy, belly dance and meditation.  I may work these ones in.  I think I will work in a drawing one at least, but I am still up in the air on a lot of things.

Stay tuned to see what happens

ExHAIRement Results and Finding

Today was the first day in over a month that I washed my hair with shampoo.  Up until this point I was using baking soda and water.  I read about it online and I thought it may be worth a shot, so I went ahead and did it.  Here are my findings and results.

1. Baking soda does in fact clean your hair.  It is quite effective.  Using water and apple cider vinegar as conditioner also works very well.

2. Having clean, wax free hair is weird.  It does not feel like you are used to.  I mean, why would it, you are not using the waxy agents you have been forever.  Instead your hair feels softer, but less sleek.  It is strange, but good.

3. Getting the mixture right is kind of a pain.  The usual mix is 1 tablespoon of soda/cider per 8oz of water.  This does in fact work, however, with hair that is as thick and fine as mine, it needed some tweaking.  If I had enough patience, I could probably very well find the perfect concoction, but really, I just didn't see the point.  To much baking soda will leave your hair dry and brittle, while to much vinegar will leave it feeling oily.  Tinkering with the mixture is not really all that hard, but each time you change it, you have to give it time to work.

4. The transition period is crazy.  Sometimes your hair will be super gross, and sometimes super dry. 

5. Not having all that waxy stuff in your hair helps it to hold its shape.  You barely need any products, just style and go.  True story.  The issue I had with this is that it made my hair super....volume-y?  It made it feel even more insanely thick, making it super hard to run my fingers through (which, if you know me, is pretty much my preferred way to style my hair)

6.  Brushing and combing is a must.  Distribute the oils.

Anyways, these are my findings so far.  It is MUCH cheaper.  Baking soda costs less than most shampoos and lasts for a very long time, same with vinegar.  I can go through a bottle of conditioner in a couple weeks, but haven't gone through have a bottle of vinegar yet.

While I may not continue to wash my hair this way full time, I may wash it this was once every few months.  After doing it this I found I can wash my hair with much less shampoo and I think it would be good to cleanse my hair periodically this way. 

Crafty things

Tonight I am embarking on yet another adventure of epic proportions.  You see I have this room. At first it was basically a catch all for the crap I couldnt find a place for when we moved into our house. Then it became a guest room of sorts. A nice bed in there, a closet, dresser, perfect for the visitors we so rarely have.
Next, I adopted a dog that had to be quarantined from my other dogs, so it became "Betties room" while she overcame her infection and went through her heartworm treatment. Needless to say, she was bored. She ate the bed. Yes, thats right, ate the bed (and about 100 dollars worth of DVD's).
When we were finally able to spring Bettie from the backroom, it became a "foster room" for our foster kitte s who also had to be quarantined, and were not quite dog ready.
Finally, the kittens have gone to adoptions and I have big ideas for the room. I fully intent to turn it into an idea center/craft room. Im going to set up a sewing table, shelves for stuff, jars fkr beads, a computer work center, etc...seriously huge plans.  Today I started the journey by cleaning up after the kitte s (which in itself is a BIG job. Little cats make huge messes!)  
My next step is to refurbish the old dresser my brother left me into a usable storage/work table. I intend to paint it and make a few modifications. Next ia organization and a bit of moving and shuffling of things. Im really hoping to have it up and running by the end of the year. Or better yet, mostly finished by then. Even my husband is helping chip in ideas. I think he sees the possibilities the same as I do. It will be a good space to work. So here, attached, are a few pictures of the very humble beginnings of my craft room and the dresser in its original form.