So, I want to tell all my friends that I absolutely love them. I have been kind of in a funk lately, and all of that ended when I was given the opportunity to get out of my house and hang out with some fantastically fun people over the New Year Holiday. I had SOOOO much fun.
Today, as I was thinking about things I wanted to change this year, my resolutions, if you will, I came upon an epiphany.
I don't want to change. I don't want to be anyone better or richer or thinner or smarter. I want to be me. I am loved for who I am by the people that matter and those who don't matter....well, I don't honestly give a shit about their opinions of me. See, that's the thing. I am living MY life, they are living THEIR lives.
I am not thin but that is because we are lucky enough to have food on our tables. Sure, I'd like to lose weight and be thinner, but that's not my priority at this time. I have enough food in my house to keep my children fed. That matters.
I am not rich. I will probably never be rich. It is taking me a long time to get my little writing business off the ground, but that's ok, because I am doing what I love. I never knew I wanted to be a writer until I sat down and did it. Now I don't see myself really doing anything else. I won't get rich this way, I am not Nora Roberts or Stephen King. I am me. I make enough money to help pay our bills and when we get to the point where we have paid off all our debts, we will be fine. It's a long road, but we are walking it and I know we will reach our destination in the end.
Smarter? Ok, really I don't think I could be any smarter. I'm pretty fucking smart. However, I can continue to learn, and I will. My learning will turn from book stuff to observational things. I want to learn how other people react to things. I want to know how to comfort people who suffer a great loss. I want to be available to stand up and change the human condition for someone who has even less than I do. I don't need a degree to accomplish these things, I don't need to spend thousands of dollars for a piece of paper from a school stating that I am "good enough" for a certain job. I will never stop learning, but I will never be "smarter".
As far as being better goes, there really isn't much I can do to be better. Again, I can only be me. I make it a point to treat people the way I want to be treated, with compassion, caring, loyalty, and affection. I try to never look down on others, and unless given a reason to do otherwise, will always strive to see the best in people.
So many of you out there are using New Years to change your lives. New Year, New Me. What about next year. Are you going to reinvent yourself yet again? You are not Madonna. Are you going to reinstate some changes you gave up on 3 months into 2016, only to probably "fail" again?
Do me a favor. Take a step back, close your eyes, take a deep breath. Now imagine a better you. Imagine the dream you. What are you doing? Where are you? I'm willing to bet you look pretty much the same and you aren't in a Ferrari. I'm also willing to bet that where ever you are, you have a huge smile on your face. The new you doesn't live in a perfectly clean and organized house. He isn't muscular and toned. She isn't going to work in a power suit daily.
The new you is in your head. She is happy, he is content. They have fun and realize that even though the year is new, they are not. They can only do what they can. Sometimes you much give up on some things in order to make others a possibility. Take a chance. Do something you never thought you would do in a million years. Quit that job you hate. Hug your father. Read your children bedtime stories. The only new you have to contend with this year is your new outlook on life and your love of living. Don't let your quest for your dream life be the thing that makes you miserable. DO NOT DO IT. YOU ARE ENOUGH!
The road is a long one, and the journey may seem never-ending, so why not make the most out of the trip?