Mental Health is No Joke

I struggle with depression and anxiety. I have for years, it's pretty hard to get people to understand an illness they can't see.  I have been on and off of medication a number of times.  Most recently I have been struggling pretty hard and had to go back and get put back on meds.  When this happened, I tried to explain the way my thought process worked to those around me, to tell my family what triggers my problems and when I just need to get away.  They never could understand.  Things continued as usual, and I often felt ignored and like no one seemed to even acknowledge I had a problem.

My husband has just gotten out of the hospital, he had a really bad form of pneumonia and had to spend nearly a week in the hospital.  While he was there, he took a step back and took a look at his life and the things that go on around him. He took the time to learn to breathe, to put things in priority order.  Due to his stay, he has a new found perception of mental illness.  He has finally suffered a bit of it himself and when he tells me about all the issues he is having to deal with, I just kind of nod because, I FUCKING KNOW!

In a way, I want to be grateful because he finally understands what I go through and this will make it easier for us to communicate our needs to each other and know when the other needs to just back off and give space.  On the other hand, it upsets me that he never bothered to wonder or understand my issues until they related to him.  I get it, but it doesn't make it any less upsetting.

So now I joke with him and call him Buddha because of his newfound Zen and his mottos and his processes. I'm glad he is getting better, but at the same time, I hope if he does, he doesn't lose the understanding he has gained through this process.  I get a little aggravated at the Zen preaching, but if that's what he needs, ok.  I'll deal.

In short, do me a favor and listen to those around you.  If you love someone and they are diagnosed with a mental illness, take the time to listen, talk through, and figure out what they are going through. Even if you don't really understand, be open and pay attention.  Make it known that you are there when they need you but can back off and leave them be if they need space.  Be aware, be present. Don't wait until it affects you to change your perspective.  Don't let it get that far.

It is a relief to finally be understood, to be able to say things and have him know that I'm not just being a cranky bitch, to know that I can't just "deal with it".  I just wish he would have gotten that perspective long before he had to deal with it himself.  Keep your loved ones close and try to understand what they are going through, if you just don't get it, ask.  It will make it much easier on all involved.