FACT: My grandmother is dying. Slowly. Painfully. Withering away. She's leaving us and its not pleasant.
FACT: I'm not dealing with it well. Who would, right? I can't sleep, ever. I can't eat. I can't concentrate. My grades are slipping. My house is a mess. Frankly I don't give a shit.
I keep remembering the awesome stuff. I remember spending summers at their house. All is kids running around like wild ape children. Her peanut butter cookies with the little fork marks on top. The isn't chalkboard in the kitchen. Donut seeds. Can't get through dinner with out talking about poop. Can't take her anywhere. She's used I be the quirkiest, feistiest lady out there. She would tell it like it is.
She loves Elvis, John Wayne, Conway Twitty. She hates women actors and singers. She used to love to read, always her nose in a book. Hates getting her head wet. Won't go swimming. Pops out her teeth to impress us (among other weird things...don't ask her where her birthmark is)
She's the woman that raised my mom to be tough. To say what she thinks. To not back down. My mom raised me to be the same way. There is a lot of grandma in all of us. Even when she is gone, she will still be here. Every one of us will carry her in our hearts.
I really just wish I could sleep.
I am sorry... From the bottom of my heart. My grandmother, my confidante, my escape, had congestive heart failure... She passed away while we were all away one weekend. I was heartbroken.... and yet, knew she was not longer in any pain, so I was relieved as well. She still had a German accent. She cooked everything form scratch. She always smelled like rose water. She also liked to scare me by taking out her teeth when I wasnt expecting it...LOL She encouraged my love of reading, allowing me to read her vast library of historical fiction, romance, classics, and lit. She taught me the basics of crochet, cheated when she played Rumikub, kicked me under the table if I was being squirmy, and boxed my ears when I gave her lip. I still miss her- a ton! But you are right, she is still here... in my heart, in my memories, even in my dreams...
ReplyDeleteYour Grandma and my Grandma would have gotten along very well I think. My prayers and thoughts go out to you as you walk through this sad part of watching a loved one leave. HUGS!!!