Today my son asked for a gun...

Today my son told me he wanted a real gun. He is 3. His 5 year old brother also wants one. When I asked why they felt they needed guns, the eldest said "to kill the bad guys, because that's what guns are for". Needless to say, we had a discussion about what guns "are for" today. I had to explain to my kids that, yes, guns are for protection. They are also for hunting, or sport shooting. We, as Americans, are given the right to own them, but they are tools, not toys.

I am not against my kid having guns, in fact I am all for it. But, like everything, there is a time and a place. I want my children to learn how to properly use and respect a gun before they are trusted with their own (which will be MUCH later). I intend to start teaching them to fire soon and how to handle guns responsibly because that as a parent, and an American is my right.

I'm tired of hearing children gunned down by loonies with weapons because we have created a stigma on our country that guns are bad.

I admire our military and our police, but they can not be everywhere at once. Sometimes we have to be our own first responders and I'd rather have my child have the death of one crazy on his conscience than live with the knowledge that he could have, if properly armed, prevented all of that.

As adults it is our job to protect and provide for our children, and we can not do it if our means of protecting them is systematically taken away.

After our conversation today I took my kid to the store where there was a bell ringer collecting. I gave each of my kids money and we all put some in the bucket. I may not be the most awesome mom, but I'm doing my best to teach my children to do the right things and to not be victims in a world of chaos.

I'm going to teach them to stand on their own two feet and fight for the things they believe in. Sometimes I hope they end up being nothing like me, sometimes I wish the exact opposite.

Knitting Is a Process

So, for some reason I decided to start knitting. My mother in law gave me some needles, I got some yarn, watched a few videos and thought, "yeah, I can do this." So I decided to make my boys a scarf each. No big deal, right? Riiiight.

I started one day about 11 am. Figured I would start slow. It turns out, I started REALLY slow. In fact, almost 12 hours later, I had about three rows going. It took FOREVER for me to figure it out.

After that, I was able to really get moving. I got about 6 inches done and realised it looked really sloppy and had some huge holes in it, so I tore it out and started over. And over, and over, and over.

I FINALLY figured it out. I spent hours trying to tackle this mess. Two weeks later, I have a fairly passable, albeit very short and sloppy, scarf and one pretty satisfied little boy!  Now to get some more yarn and start another one. Le sigh!

Challenge accepted

Today I embarked on a journey of epic proportions. I did not expect it to be so, but it is turning out that way. My cousin wanted me to make a tablecloth for her nice new table. She wants a few seasonal type ones. I couldn't find any fall/thanksgiving type fabric so I started with Christmas.

Problem 1- it's on oval table. Therefore needs to be an oval tablecloth. I puzzled for days on how to make an oval. Once I Lao it out, it was actually much easier than I though. I even learned a smarter to do it for next time.

Problem 2- fabric not long enough to overhang table. Have to get creative and put together two fabrics to make a border type effect. This is less than easy when dealing with an oval shape!

So far I've figured out the two long ends. Tomorrow I will have to tackle the short ends and fill in the rough edges. So far it looks pretty good, I think. It's been frustrating and a total brain challenge. Glad I have my mathematically minded husband here to help me out.

Ps. The table it is on in the pictures is NOT the table it will end up on. This is my progress so far. I hope to get a picture of it finished, and on the right table, in the next week or so

New found respect

Yep, it's there. I've always thought pinstripes were pretty badass. What a talent to paint those minuscule little lines so perfectly straight and neat, often next to other things.

Me, I can't even get a damn stencil to work properly! After stencil long some names on these buckets (made even harder by te curved surface) I had to go back with a tiny brush and try to straighten up sole edges and curves. Not as easy as you might imagine. At any rate, here is the progress of my camo project so far.

Back at it

I spent another whirlwind weekend on the road. After getting off at 8 am Friday morning we hit the road, headed for Kansas and visits to as many people as is possible to see in a day and a half. We are copious amounts of very good food, enjoyed company, rode a 4 wheeler, played some skip-bo, watched some football and just hung out.
Now we are home. I am approximately 40 pounds heavier and have come away with a monstrous head cold that knocked me on my ass for the better part of the last two days. I am finally able to breathe and my ears are no longer threatening to explode. I have decided to use my sick day to do something productive. I have begun working on the camo buckets for my friend again. (My laptop hard drive has crashed, so homework was pretty much a no) I did manage to almost fully camo the entire set of 5 buckets. All I've left to so now is add the black into the camo and do the stenciled names and seal them. I am hoping to finish the camo and touch ups tonight and start the sizing an stencils for the names tomorrow. School is winding down and I, for some reason, am back to working only 3 days this week, so I have some time. My next projects will be to make a tablecloth for my cousin and teach myself to knit and crochet. I'm actually looking forward to being able to do a few projects again! Since my computer is down, these pics will be out of order, but I'm sure you can guess how the progression goes.

A 3am rant about corporate greed

Ok, so not so much a rant, just venting some annoyance. Look, if you want to leave your Thanksgiving dinner early to fight crowds and save like 8 bucks on a tv, good for you. Sadly, if you wish to do that, there are scads of people that would equally rather spend their "holiday" with their families that are basically being forced to come serve your want. Sure, we get monetarily rewarded with bonuses and such, but it's really not worth it to give up my holiday. I don't even KNOW my schedule next week, because they still haven't posted it, but I already do know I won't be having Thanksgiving this year, unless by some miracle I have to be given the weekend off. I'm certain my Thursday will consist of going to work Wednesday night to prep for Black Friday, coming home at 8 or so, going to bed, getting up, showering and going back to be there so they can let in crowds of people at 9. That's 9 PM ON THURSDAY! What the hell? Corporate greed and the need to chase that dollar is costing a lot of families a very important holiday this year. Just remember that when you are out fighting over toys.

Hectic!

Totally slacking on this thing.  To be honest, I have been so incredibly busy and I don't see it letting up any time soon.  We have officially gone to Christmas hours at work so I have to now be up at 245 am.  It is ridiculous. So now I have to be away from home from about 3 am to 4 pm when I finally bring my kids home from school.  I like the hours and the pay but man I am tired.  I don't hardly have time for homework or even sleep!! 

It seems like everytime I turn around I am doing something else for the boys school.  Jaxon has homework, there are projects and activities.  Man, I thought I would catch a break having them in school!!  Shows you what little I know about it. 

Halloween has come and gone, and the boys greatly enjoyed it, they got to hang out with cousins they rarely see and had a good time, even though we didn't get a whole lot of candy.  We did fair pretty well, not like they are complaining.  They never get candy so this is still a treat. 

From now to the end of the year, I will probably be fairly out of it.  I still have NO idea what our thanksgiving plans are, where we are going, when I will be working, who we will get to see.  Christmas is also up in the air.  From her until January second, I am pretty much just taking things one step at a time and trying to march on through.  Eventually things will even out and everything will end up fine.  Usually does.

A Declaration of Love

Today, October 9th, is my best friends birthday.  I never dreamed I would have such a great friend in all my life.  As a military brat and then military myself, people in my life come and go.  I do manage to get close to a few, but a lot of my friends I keep at a distance because I have learned that things change.  Even my very best friend, Parker, is not one I speak to often, but that is the beauty of our friendship.  I don't have to, nor do I have to worry about it.  Maybe that is selfish of me, but that is the kind of friendship I need.

We have been through a lot, Parker and I.  Deaths, births, and a couple of awesome surprise visits.  Together we have remained sisters in the world of chaos.  Our dynamic never changes.  We have grown up, lived close, lived far, married, and added, repeatedly, to our families.  No matter what happens in our lives, we always end up being those two crazy kids, who at 15 just happened to sit next to each other in a class that neither of us really wanted to be in! 

No matter how long we are apart, how great the distance, or what troubles we go through in our lives, I know that we are there for each other.  We may not be up on the most current of events for each other, but really that stuff is trivial anyways.  What matters is that when we see each other, she is the one person I can just talk to, like we never stopped our previous conversation.  She has accepted me for all my crazy weirdness, my harsh attitude, my brutal honesty, hatred of just about everything and my need for reassurance.  She has never doubted me and I've never doubted her.  She has never given me reason to mistrust her, and has always been there when I've fallen.  I have been her rock and she has been mine....numerous times.  I don't know what I'd do without her and her amazing family.  A family that has always accepted me as one of thier own.  Sisters I would do anything for (and have, I might add).  A mom that is always so giving and gracious, kind, funny, and LOUD, lol. 

There is never a dull moment with these ladies and I am thankful for it.  I love them all and I cannot wait to see them again!! 

I just basically wanted to say, Happy Birthday, Parker.  I love you, and always will.

Of course you won't read this because your ass is not on facebook and I don't have your email, but I know your awesome family will come through for me here!!

Continuing Camo

So I haven't done to much work on my camo project. Things keep coming up. Really there is not to much left to do. I have gotten the inside painted. I went with solid black inside simply because it seemed the way to go. I have also done the base coat green on all 5 of them. They are ready for the actual camouflage paint but that's probably the most time consuming and will mean I will have to do one at a time. I may work a bit on that today. After that I will simply need to individualize each one and put on a clear/seal cost. They are gonna be pretty awesome I think.

My Journey Through the Valley of the Dead

I have been sick.   Very sick.  I have been layed up for about a week.  I am tired, week and not at all pretty so look at. 

This isn't the cutesy, red-nosed, mussed-up hair, whiney sick you see on tv.  I really though I was dying.  It was messy and gross, and not at all pleasant. 

My kids have been sick on and off all weekend, and somehow that translates to me being virtually bedridden for an entire week.  I had to call off work Monday, thinking, "ok, one day won't hurt, I don't go in until Wednesday, I'll have time to recover and get back at it."  

HA!  I did lay up Monday, I even had to have Ryan leave work at a half day so that he could care for either me or the children (at that point, I didn't care which, I just wanted to die).  Needless to say, he came home and I slept.  And slept, and slept.....dead to the world. 

Tuesday-- I felt a bit better.  I still had a pounding headache, but the hubs brought me soup so I figured I'd have a crack at it.  I ate some soup, it stayed where I put it....major improvement.  I was all but ready to get back at it the next day.  Go back to work, earn some money, buy some concert tickets...you know, awesome, good things.

Wednesday--Yeah, I went back to work.  BAD IDEA.  I felt nauseated almost from the minute I got up.  I was pale, shaking, sweaty...terrible.  I trudged through and finished the day and then suffered in my chair until it was time for the boys to go to bed.  Then I lay in my own bed, slowly wasting away in a puddle or sicky sweat, again wishing I were dead.

Thursday--I wasn't dead.  I suppose thats a good thing, but really, I could have gone with dead. I would have been ok with that.  To bad, I was still in the land of the living.  I was not quite as sweaty, pale, and weak, but I was dehydrated and it felt like there was a battle raging in my stomach.   Out of curiousity, I dragged myself out of bed and checked my weight (I'm trying to learn how my body reacts to things).  I was down 6 lbs.   SIX POUNDS!!??  That is six pound of sheer dehydration.  No food, no water, no movement.  That was everything I had stored up to make my muscles work. No wonder I feel so terrible.  I resolved to eat something and drink as much water as possible.
1 liter of water and one meager grape later, I'm back in bed, wishing for death.  I did manage to change the sheets and shower though, so that was a plus.

Friday--  I'm still alive.  Truth be told, I feel much better.  My headache is gone, I've already had 1 liter of gatorade and am working on a second.  I have gained back 4 pounds of water weight which is good.  I inhales one of those Cambell Chunky soup things, so my appetite is back.   I still have the gurgles but I think I might live.  Then I find out its going to be 54 degrees tomorrow.  54, really?  It's 83 right now---Yeah, thats a 30 degree drop.   Then it's supposed to shoot back up to almost 90 by weeks end.  I have a feeling I am not finished with my journey through this valley of death.  I've got my fingers crossed though. 

What a wedding!

So, I have been preparing for this whole wedding thing for a long time.  Many members of my family have invested so much time, energy, money, and brainpower into this thing and it finally came to fruition on Saturday, Sept. 8th.  It was AMAZING. 

Let me just tell you, its great how much a crap load of tool and some Christmas lights can transform a relatively bland space.   The colors of the wedding were mainy white, pink, and camo.  It was very down home country and it was LOADS of fun.  I am not a fan of dresses, dancing, hair, makeup, and weddings in general, but this one has taken the cake as the best one I have been to so far. 

I spent the week before in a tizzy or preperation and parties.  Had to get things all set up and frankly, drink as much as possible!!   

I wish I had some pictures to show, I may have to add some later.  All I can say is, the ceremony was beautiful, the decorations were great, the minister was loud and clear, and the bride and groom both said "I do".  What more can you ask for right?

Well, how about amazing BBQ, homemade tortillas, potato salad, homemade mints, great cake, funny and sappy toasts, loads of dancing and damn near an entire bar drained of alcohol (which is only the very slightest of exagerations.  Small town Texas knows how to drink??) 

Best of all, I got to spend some good quality time with my family and friends and watch my sister get married to the love of her life.

What more can a big sister ask for?

Oh....the custom koozies of course.  WIN!

Proof I'm not a procrastinator

It all started with 6 metal buckets. Well, it really did.
 These 5 buckets were red. My aunt says, "can you paint these camo?". Well, I reckon I can. So my sister, cousin and I set to work, creating tiny tin camo buckets.

Now my friend wants some to use as Easter baskets or her kids. Their dad is Army so camo is probably rather but I their family. I, of course, said "sure". So here I am with 5 larger metal buckets.

 About to embark on the adventure of camo painting. If this pans out, I may learn how to do pink and blue camo too and sell the suckers.

I'm really excited about this project and can't wait to get started. First step, primer. Got to make my paint stick (the FIRST step was actually getting the freakin stickers off the damn things but with a combo of goo gone and steel wool, I prevailed!!)

Here is a "prime" example of my progress to date. Sorry, I couldn't help myself!

 

My Next 30 Years

So, my birthday is coming up.  Saturday to be exact.  I will have reached the ripe old age of 31.  I, myself, can not believe I have managed to live this long, so I don't expect you too either.

Anyways, with the upcoming anniversary of my birth, I thought I would do a little reflecting.  I won't bore you with all 30 years of my life, but mostly with this last year, the 30th.  This my very well have been THE BEST year of my life.  Of course it's had it's ups and downs.  A lot can happen in a year, I don't expect all of it to be pure awesomeness. (Though of course, this is ME we are talking about, right)

I wish I could pinpoint what it is about this year that has made it so great.  There really isn't one giant thing, but a lot of little things.  I still don't have a whole lot of friends, but I'm strangely ok with that.  I am back in school and doing rather well, though finding time to study is crazy hard.   I have acutally gained 30 of the 80 pounds I lost back.  I am still, however, probably in the best shape I have ever been in.  I am breaking barriers and doing things I never thought I would be doing.   I have hobbies.  My kids are happy, my husband is happy.

I have found a few things I am good at.  Like REALLY good at and actually enjoy doing, which is huge.  No more sitting around moping in boredom.  I finally am able to do thinks I've wanted to do for awhile.  I am more confident and branching out into more unfamiliar territory, a new thing for me. 

The biggest improvement is crawling out of this black hole that grabs ahold of me now and then.  I can feel it creeping in and I am able to shut it out, tell it to fuck off, and go do something that makes me happy, which is new to me.  I haven't always had it good, some years have been downright bad.  I have made dumb mistakes and hurt people intentionally.  Truth is, that's past.  I have finally realized that I should live my life for me and mine and I am going to live it exactly how I want to live it.

I can not be any more excited to see what this next year brings.  I have a feeling I will only get better as time goes by.  Bring it on, world, I'm ready.

School!!!!

Today I sent both my babies off to thier very first day of school.  I think it was really hard for Jaxon to get up as early as he did.  We are all such night owls.  He did really well though, he ate, brushed his teeth and got dressed in a timely manner, which for him is AWESOME.  He was so excited.  We all bundled into the car and drove him to school.  It's kind of a long way and I know he is excited to ride the bus tomorrow, but hey, it's the first day!  When we got to school, he almost left me at the door and bolted to his room.  He didn't want to stop for me to take his picture, he was sooo excited.  I admit, I got a little teary eyed.  That boy is getting so big!!

Then, you know, the three of us came home and took nap lol!  We were all still just so tired.   After our nap it was time to get Carter up and ready for his first day of Pre-k3.  He got dressed SO fast, it was awesome.  He was ready to go and was wanting daddy to hurry up and get ready so we could go.  He practically ran to the car! When we got to the school he was so very excited.  We saw Jaxon and his class coming back from lunch as we drove up.  He looked like such a big boy, doing what the teacher told him to, and waiting patiently. 

When we got around to drop Carter off, it was crazy hectic.  The little kids have lunch first, so they went straight into the hustle and bustle of a busy lunch room.  I think he got a little scared with all the chaos going on around him, but they let us walk him through the lunch line and sit him at his table.  He didn't say much, but he didn't cry, not even when we had to leave.  I think he will be ok once he figures out it's not bad to be in school.  I hope they are both having a lot of fun.  I still have 2 and a half hours until I can pick them up.  I am as caught up on MY schoolwork as I can be without my books (Come on UTA, get your shit together), so I guess I'm going to go to the gym.  Seems like a good time to start back to my workout routine.

I may not make the half marathon this year that I signed up for, but dammit, I will be doing one!! 

Sew, this happened....

It's been a very busy few weeks. I have found myself being much craftier than usual. First, I painted some buckets into camo patterns and found out I'm rather good at it. Then I made some curtains for my cousin, which turned out quite good (and I had quite a good time hanging out whilst making them). Today I made new body pillow covers for Ryan's and my own body pillows. I seem to be getting much better at sewing and guesstimating because these fit better and I didn't have near as many hangups as I did when I made the boys covers. I also think these went much faster. My next project is more camo buckets for a friend of mine. She intends to use them as Easter baskets for her boys. I've bought the buckets, now I just need the paints. I also just found out I can blog from my phone!! And add pics. I'll have to figure out how to change the picture placement an all, I'm not super tech savvy, but I'm so excited. Now I can keep up with my blog and not forget what I wanted to write about when I get home!!

Productivity?

So, today has been one of my more productive days.  Although it feels like I haven't really accomplished anything.  Maybe I just couldn't take one more day of sitting around. 

I got up to damn early to go to work, but since I like where I am working this week, it was not so bad.  I learned a lot of new things and generally had a good time (although 20 minutes into my day, I cut the shit out of my finger....why, oh why do they make me work with knives.  ((Ironically enough, it wasn't a knife I cut myself with, but really whatevs))).  After I got home I managed to change clothes, round up and take out the garbage, empty and bag up the pool (fuckers got a hole and won't stay blown up. Sad panda) to throw out, clean my kitchen, do some dishes (steel wool is the bomb at taking baked on burnt cake off of glass pans, by the way.  You know, should that come up in conversation later), round up the kids and go dress shopping......successfully.   I finally bought a dress for my sisters wedding.  Best bit?  Cost me 16 bucks.  Who's a rock star?


I AM!!

Now I am going to basically sit around and do nothing, except occasionally feed my children.  I think I have accomplished enough today to deserve a break.  And permanent rock star status.

The goings on

My blog has been rather sparse lately.  It turns out that I lead an excedingly boring life.  This is made even more so by the fact that I am not in school this semester so I sleep more.....
Basically, this is what I do all day.  I get up, get my kids breakfast, sit around until its time to go to work (cuz really who can get anything done with these two?) Then I go to work and come home and sit around some more because I can't sleep at night. 

Occasionally, I do something like tear down/put up a fence, but really those occasions are few and far between.  I read a lot, and thats about it.  My life in a nutshell.

The only exciting things happening lately is that I am totally starving every couple of hours.  It's annoying and I'm not sure what it means.  Could be any number of things.  I rarely run anymore because I am so tired after work, I want nothing more than to come home and lay down....then I can't sleep anyways.  bah!

Ryan is supposed to start second shift next week and I have not gotten any confirmation about what is going to happen to my schedule at work.  We obviously can not both work at night.  I hope to talk to the guy today that can change my schedule and get me on first shift.....which means I'll be waking up WAY early  *sigh*.   Such is life I suppose.

And these are the things that happen in my life....nothing, nada, zilch....

Going POSTal

I'm sore.   So very sore.  We have been putting up a fence in our backyard.  This means a LOT of digging holes and being outside in the heat.  We finished putting up most of all of the new back part of the fence on the 4th of July, but then we still had to take down sections of the old fence and move it to replace the rotten bits. 

Today I thought it would be a good day to do just this.  Problem is, we went to a little kids pool party first.  Out in the sun, playing in the pool, swimming, chasing kids.  Tiring! 

SOOOOO, when we came home, I took down the old bit of the fence, to move it around. Ryan took down the rotted bits and began to cut and put up the newer panel.  This left me to tackle the posts left by the old fence.   So whoever put those it SUCKS!!  Of course they are cemented in (duh right) but they didn't do a good job with it.  It was everywhere.  Instead of trying to dig it out, I decided to get out the sledgehammer and just beat the hell out of it and break up the concrete.   TWO HOURS later I get one post out.  That means I have to get another out.  I started on it, but didn't get very far.  My arms are aching and I have blisters.  Maybe I will be able to dislodge that sucker tomorrow.   For now I'm letting it sit.  I'm already sore and I will probably be worse tomorrrow but I am determined to get that thing out!! For now I'm gonna veg and watch Transformers 3...

Back from the land of Oz

FINALLY home!!  What a trip.  Yesterday went fairly smoothly and we actually got there very quickly.  We were there by about 630 and had time to go shopping, have dinner, see some fireworks, and go for a quick dip in the pool.  Kids were so excited to see us.  They barely left our laps for the first hour.   Even then they wanted to be right with us all the time.  Silly boys.

Today went a little slower.  We got a later start and then went to see some of Ryans friends, which was fun, but set us back some more.  I, again took the first leg of the trip and turned it over to Ryan at OKC.  My part was ok, kids were asleep, Ryan was asleep, I controlled the radio and traffic was flowing smoothly...
Then came Oklahoma City.  We stopped, stretched, changed Carters clothes (he peed his pants) and bought some total junk food.    Then back in the car.  Kids are riled up, hopped up on junk food, screaming, poking each other, kicking the chairs....basically being the little heathens that they can be.  Then, 40 mins later, we have to make another pit stop.  Then another.  Then ANOTHER...  Finally we make it out of Oklahoma (I thought it would never happen), and had to make yet another pit stop!!!

Holy cow!!  Once we finally got home, they had to check out EVERYTHING that has changed since they have been gone.  "Oh, look at this, ooh, look at that...."  Carter kept saying, "I like all the stuff you moved"  Lol, well, ok, at least someone is impressed.  They desperately wanted to play in the playroom, but I told them we had to unpack and unwind.  They did help me put thier clothes and toys away and we are now camped on the living room floor, watching cartoons and chilling. 

Tomorrow, I shall have to get back on track with my "diet" and pay more attention to what I put in my mouth.  I have this feeling that I am going to be sluggish and drowsy all day tomorrow.

Running on empty

I am so incredibly tired!!  I, like a dumbass, decided to pick up a shift Wed night.   I wish I would have remembered that I had to OPEN at 6 am on Thursday.  Usually I am going to bed around the time I got up this morning.  Needless to say, right now I am pretty much dragging ass.   We are talking about going to pick up the boys this weekend and I am super exicted, but at the same time not.  I really like having a few free hours a day, but, MAN, I miss those guys. 

We started to put the fence together.  We were out in 106 degree heat digging holes with ancient tools and trying to get the posts put up.   It was HOT!! Like crazy hot.  We did get all 11 holes dug and yesterday while I was at work Ryan put concrete in them and set them. So, now we have all these posts just sticking out of the ground.  It looks ridiculous lol, but we are ready to put up panels.  Once the panels are up, we are good to go.  I am so excited to have a bigger backyard so the kids and dogs can go out and run around in the grass instead of the mud in our tiny little backyard!!

Of course, right now I am soooo dog tired I can hardly think straight.  I am praying that all my words are spelled right.  I think I'm gonna veg and watch one more episode of Quantum Leap and then crash like an ocean wave.

Missing my kids

Woke up VERY late today.  I thought maybe I would try to get up earlier while the kids gone, but it seems as though I am getting up later and later.  This is not a good thing.  I need to go to bed earlier and get up earlier!!!  I am going to start setting my alarm for 10 am and force myself out of bed.  On thursday I have to be at work at 6am, I have NO idea how that is supposed to work out!!

Today after I got up I went into my kids room to feed the fish.  When I opened the door (which I keep closed cuz I don't want the dog in there chewing on stuff) it really hit me how empty my house was with them gone.  Right now sitting in almost complete silence is wierd!!  I do enjoy the break from time to time, but it is really starting to get to me.

I know it is all chaos when they are here, constantly noisy and go go going, but sometimes I revel in that chaos.  I get overstressed and worn out, but that's the price you pay to be blessed with such amazing things as children, right?

A Me I Like: Musings on a lazy day.

I realized today that I have been slowly trying to reinvent myself.  Mostly, all I really want to be is someone I like.   It is a terrible affliction to be someone you dislike.

Lately I have spent a lot of time working on the outside.  I have been losing weight, changing hair colors, cuts, clothes.  I have been trying to work on the inside as well.  I try to be less angry, get more sleep, care more about things that matter.  Really I could give a shit less about half the drama in the world.  Sometimes it just feels like I'm dead inside to things that people take very personally.

I don't care if others like me or not.  It's hard to really give a crap what others think if you don't care about it yourself, you know.  Somewhere in this constant reinvention, I am hoping to find someone I care about.  It is hard to feel things like pride in ones accomplishments, or happiness for others when you don't feel much in general.  Sometimes I really wish I could muster enough energy to care about things, but alas there is nothing.

I do have things that I am VERY passionate about.  These things I will fight about till I'm either lying bleeding on the floor or until the wrong is righted.  Sometimes these fights seem futile and I think I'll never win, but I'm not going to give up.

In short, I'm tired of being the person that I was.  I don't mind being cynical, or even being an outright bitch, but other than those things, I don't much care for the box in which I was placed.  Sometimes I wish I could just erase everything (minus a few things I think VERY important to me, such as my family) and just start from scratch. 

Somehow I think 30 is a little old to begin anew, but I can keep making these small adjustments and tweak these little bits.  Maybe by the time I'm 40 I'll have found a me that I can live with contentedly.

BOOOOOORRRRRIIIIIIINNNNGG

Man, it has been crazy quiet around here.  With the kids gone I have been just as busy as if they were here but it is a whole different kind of chaos.  I still have not made it to a gym since I have been back.  I have been go-go-going.  Non-stop.  My new school is far more involved than my old school, which I suppose is good, I am definitely getting a better education. 

We have almost gotten the house rearranged, we have gotten the downstairs almost completely put together, and the new upstairs play room has been cleaned out and is ready to be made into an actual playroom.  I have the toys all piled up in their bedroom and it's an utter disaster!!  I was hoping to finish it up today but spent about 10 hours doing homework.  UGH!!!

So, my day off on Thursday will be devoted to the completion of the playroom so that I can show the kids via Skype.  Jaxon was asking about it today, but I couldn't show it off yet  :(

So, most boring blog ever finished.  I really had nothing to say.  I'm going to go back to watching Quantum Leap now.....

Hidden treasures and forgotten gems

Man, cleaning and rearranging the house is a total chore.  Decided that while the kids were gone, we were going to more thier playroom from the downstairs to the "office" upstairs.  Since I have gotten my laptop, I rarely use the office and everything on the desktop is going to be wiped and I'm going to get rid of it.  Since the boys have told me that they would still like to room together, we are going to make that extra room the playroom and spread out a little downstairs.  We basically have two living rooms and are crammed into this one tiny room.  It is crazy and we really have way to much stuff.  Or maybe our stuff is simply to big?  I am not ready to get rid of this stuff though, because some day we will own our own house and I have a feeling that we may need this stuff!! 

At any rate, that is what I have spent my day doing.  I feel like, even though I have lived here over a year, I am just NOW finishing unpacking!!  I really do have so much stuff stored in tubs.  All my old game systems (atari-playstation, to include my regular and Super NES) and some old toys and things from when I was a kid.  Most of my VHS are in a tub because I simply have no place to put them out!!  Le sigh.  I REALLY am not looking forward to when we do move again.  It is like packing up a treasure cave or something. 

I found a lot of cool stuff like old posters too.  Man I LOVED movie posters and buttons when I was a kid.  I have a crazy collection of each.  Plus clippings from magazines, old movie tickets, hollywood and Las Vegas memorabilia....OMFG, I am a hoarder!!!!  Stop the insanity? 

I probably have more stuff from the 90's than any other person that lived through that era.  Remember pogs?  Yeah, I just found a tube of those.  Holy crap.  Someone find me a trash can STAT.  I have got to get rid of some of this crap!

I need a vacation from my vacation.

I am finally back from the Kansas frontier.  Having no net kind of sucks, but it was nice to have some time to do nothing.  Not that I really did nothing.  I mean, I worked my ass off, and partied like a beast at least once.  But, I did get a few days off where I sat around and basically did nothing.  I DID get to spend some time with my grandma, which was nice. 

Driving up there was ridiculous.  I had no A/C and both dogs with me.  Windows down at 60 MPH.  Well, my hair was a rats nets, and by the time I was half way there, my left arm, left side of my face and my thighs were sunburnt.  Like BURNT.  Even now, over a week later, I am still peeling!!

Day 1 was a whirlwind of cake making, watching the boys saw down some tree limbs (they do not follow all the safety procedures, so it was wildly entertaining), cleaning and setting up for a bridal shower.  Then there was of course the shower, with games and gifts, and then the party.  Man did we party.  I totally didn't follow my no alcohol rule and the next morning I remembered why I made the rule in the first place.  It was good fun all around though.  We did have some creepy ass zombies come out of the woods at the fire and scare the hell out of the bride to be, so I call it a win.  Then we went to my cousins 30th birthday party where we played the hell out of some flip cup and I played my first game of beer pong (I lost, but whatever, it was good fun).

Day 2 was a baby shower, which included more cake, games and gifts, as well as a number of hangovers.  It was also a smashing success and the happy couple (who we found out the next day are expecting a girl) went home with all kinds of good stuff.

Day 3 is pick up day.  Lots and lots of picking up.  Someone did a pre-sweep before I got out there and picked up all the beer cans, so that was good.  I did get the blown to bit targets taken down and picked up a metric shit ton of shell casings.  Did I mention guns?  Yeah, there were guns.  Day 3 was also the day just about everyone went home.  It was nice to see them all but having 7 million people around all the time is crazy stressful!!

Then next few days included moving humongous flower pots from one yard to the next, building a couple of decks, pulling up and replanting flowers, making curtains and other small sewing projects, taking down a satellite dish, painting fence panels from yellow to purple, hauling tons of sand from front to back and the building of a particularly nice concrete step. (I admit that I did not have a hand in every project).  These days also included several trips to town, which is an ordeal in itself really.

On wed or thurs, we took the night off and decided to go out and eat.  We went to this little place called Bogeys (best shakes ever).  Its raining a bit, but who are we to let that ruin our good time?  Well, we go in, order our food, sit down, BAM, power out.   Well, hell.  no shakes for us.  Wind took out 3 power poles down the street.  It was nuts!! 

I did carve out some time to do some running around and go see a few of my friends and spend some time with my dad (including one day spent under a car, which, while it doesn't sound fun, really is quite fun for me). 

All in all, I think it was a pretty bad ass vacation, but now I am terribly terribly tired and ready to get back to normal.  

Today was a rough day, mostly because I went to see my kids on the way out of town (they are staying with my mother in law for a few weeks, or until they are ready to come home).  They sat in my lap forever!  I guess they really missed me for the week we were apart.  Then, after spending some time with them, when I got in the car to go, they were standing in the driveway yelling, "bye, I love you".  I'm not gonna lie, it made me cry to leave them there.  I know they are going to have a great time swimming and watching baseball and bowling and playing in general, and I know Ryan and I are going to enjoy a little time without the chaos of two little boys, but we are going to miss them terribly while they are gone. 

Of course, the way my life goes, I may to busy to even notice they ARE gone.  Man I have a lot to do in the next few weeks!!

Superhero Sleepover!!!!

I had a blast today.  I am so very tired.  We went to the birthday party for my cousins 7 year old boy.  It was totally batman themed.  There was a Gotham city backdrop, a batcave, penguin pool area, a cool cake with the batsignal on it, etc, etc, etc.  I FINALLY got to wear my Harley Quinn outfit.  Everyone showed up that was supposed to be there, so that was good too of course.  I do not have many pics, but here is one from today. 

I wish I had more close up of each of us, but this is the best one.  As you can see, we had a Joker, Poison Ivy, Commissioner Gordan, Two-Face, and Harley Quinn.  We all pretty much carried off our lines pretty well and I know the kids had a blast pelting us with 100 freaking water balloons and saving Batman.   It was a wet mess but it was awesome. 

So, now I can check that one off my list and free up a little time....until I go on vacay and have to sew curtains for my mom, lol.  I have less than a week and I am homeward bound.  I can not wait to go up there and totally not relax!!!  I am going to be so busy.  I will try to find some more pics of each of the players in the superhero game and get those posted as well.


Crap, now I need to find something else to write about!!!!

The Making of Two-Face Part 1: Pant's on fire

Yesterday was the most hectic day one can possibly imagine.  It was basically go non-stop all day.  I am worn out just thinking about it.  I didn't even have time to hit the gym (not that I wanted to anyways, I am STILL sore).  There is so much coming up that I have been running ragged lol.  We have decided to expand the fence in the backyard.  That will give us a lot more room and will cost some money and a lot of work, but so worth it so the kids and dogs have a bigger space to run in.  We will also probably be re-arrranging everything in the house while the kids are at grandmas. This means a lot of carrying things up and down the stairs and a lot of "spring cleaning".  I think it will be well worth the work and it will get me active at least.

On another front.  The Superhero sleepover is tomorrow.  We finally found time to work on the Two-face outfit.  Since I have neither the time not the inclination to sew two suits together, we are just going to tatter up one side of the outfit and concentrate on  the makeup and props (which I still need to find). 

Did you know it is virtually impossible to set fire to a pair of Dickies?  It took me forever to get some good scorches on the pants.  But at least those are not done.....for the most part.  I may take then out and rub them in the dirt a little bit for effect.  I almost wish I had an iron so I could super crisp up one side.  That would be pretty awesome.

Other than these things, I am now officially enrolled and ready to rock for UTA.  I am really freaking excited about it.  Since the next couple of weeks are going to be so hectic, I may just lay off some things for a bit.  Thankfully school doesnt' start until June 4th, so I have a bit of a reprieve there. 

On the run

I have been so freaking busy lately.  I have been working, trying to transfer school, working on costumes, finishing up a research paper at my old school, getting ready for my week vacay, planning games and food for a bridal shower.... Oh and going to the gym.

I have finally managed 6.5 miles.  That is about half of what I need to finish the half.  Yikes!!  I do feel really good when I run though.  I think boredom on the treadmill is my biggest problem.  A couple of days ago we had the company picnic and I played really hard, lol.  I still hurt.  I'm bruised, blistered and scratched.  I'm just plain sore.

Today I have to go to UTA campus and try to fit a million errands into about 3 hours.  I don't see this happening in my favor.  I am hoping for once things go smoothly.  

I have finished the Harley Quinn outfit, but have not started on the Two-face.  I also need to talk to someone about building a longer fence in my backyard, so we can actually have MORE backyard.  We are trying to rearrange things in the house, spreading out and making more room.  It is a little crowded with all this STUFF!!  Time to go through and throw out.  Some serious spring cleaning.  I think it will have to wait until after my vacation though.  I am going to seriously need this week off.

The super hero sleepover is Saturday.  I'll be sure to post pics.  I hope it is as big of a hit as I am hoping it will be.  I am still super excited about it!!

The Making of Harley Quinn Part 4: the completion

I have done it.  I have finished the costuming part of my Harley Quinn outfit.  I bought some mens black pajama pants and added diamonds down one leg and a big diamond on the other.  I am not going to post pictures until we get to the party and get the makeup and the whole she-bang going.  A special thanks to David for not only all his advice on the makeup (which I still have yet to try out) but also for the suggestion of fabric glue.  How he manages to think up the easiest solutions to my most pressing problems blows my mind.

Now I have to begin work on Two-face.  I have already done half of his hat, but have done virtually nothing for the costume.  I am not sure what I am going to do, but it will be way less involved than Harley Quinn. The party is in one week and Two-face is mostly all in the makeup.  I am pretty stoked that Ryan has decided to play a part and that my sister and her fiancee jumped on board to play Poison Ivy and the Joker.  It is going to be a lot of fun for the kids and worth every minute of this mess.   I only hope that I can leave the making of Two-face more or less in Ryans hands because I am working like crazy this week and trying to transfer schools, looking into new places to live, and getting ready for my weeks vacay to Kansas (which includes a bridal and baby shower....not for the same person)

The Making of Harley Quinn part 3: I wear my diamonds on my sleeve

Ever hear of finger piercings?  Me neither, but I think that is where I am heading with these silly diamonds.  After TWO WHOLE days of hand sewing, I finally got on 8 diamonds.  ok ok, it was really like 3 total hours, but whatevs, right.  My poor little fingers are hole poked.  The shirt is pretty much finished, I just need to cut up the sleeves and the bottom to make it more joker-esque.  Then I have to work on the bottoms.  A friend of mine suggested making spats to cover my shoes.  I looked it up online, it looks complicated, but doable.  I also got my makeup and face paint so that I can doll up Ryan and I for the big day. 

Did I mention Ryan was going to be Two-face?  I don't recall.  Any good ideas on a quickish and easyesque way to do Two-face make-up?  What the hell, am I Stephen King now, all making up words and shit?  Who cared, its 3:30 am, lol.  I will make up all the words I want!!

Seriously, any help with Two-face ideas would be good.  I'm even less experienced with make-up than I am with sewing, so that is saying something.  Here is the 97% finished version of the shirt.  In hindsight I should have chosen smaller shirts, or sewed them together tighter...whatever, first time sewing, remember?

In other news, I bought a bigger fish tank for the boys room.  They now have a 10 gallon circulating water upstairs.  I really hope they think fish are as cool as I do.  Who knew they could be such interesting pets??  I am certain I had more to say, but my brain is ka-put due to another super late night.  Why do I stay up so late?  Oh well, at least I finished all my homework and my shirt and just have to finish writing my research paper now.  And even that is about 1/4 done.

The Making of Harley Quinn Part II: Diamonds are NOT this girls best friend

So, I have had rather eventful and entertaining day which I will tell you about now. It's a rather long story so hold on to you butts.

Today is my oldest son, Jaxons, birthday.  He turned 5.  What a crazy fun age.  Anyway, we already had the big party in Kansas so we decided to just have a little thing at the park with cupcakes and a couple gifts.  I invited my sister-in-law and her two boys (my brother being out of town and all).  Her boys are roughly the same age as my boys about 6-8 months younger than mine.  Sooo, we are at the park and my nephew, Vaden, wants to go on the tire swing.  I'm like "sure dude, lets go".  I head off that way with his little brother, Jonas, in tow.  We get there and Jenny and I are standing around waiting for Vaden to decide to come over.  Now the tire swing is on this freestanding metal frame and for some reason the powers that be decided to put a very low bar as a crossbar.  Like really low, ankle biter level.  So I tell Jaxon to come on over and he can swing too. (It is a habit to get all four boys on this sucker).  He comes hauling ass across the park and trips over the low bar.  He fell on the soft rubber ground and it was kind of funny so I laughed.   Then Vaden sees us and comes running over.  He trips on the same bar, and now Jenny and I are both laughing.  SOOOOO, as wicked as we are, we decided to see if we could get 3 for 3.  I say, "Carter (my youngest), do you want to swing".  "yeah yeah"  Here he comes, racing as fast as his little 3 year old legs can carry him...right for the crossbar.  Guess what, he trips.  Jenny, Ryan (the hubs) and I CRACK UP laughing. 

I know, we are total assholes.  But it was effing hilarious.  After than we threw some rocks off a bridge into the water, went on a mini-safari and did some more swinging.  Then we went to dinner, which was as uneventful as dinner with 4 small boys can be, though fun.


THEN, I have the bright idea to work on my Harley Quinn get up.  I think, "I'll just cut out the diamond patters and then sew them on the shirt.  Then I'll be one step closer to being done."  Riiiiiight. First off, I could not figure out how to cut out diamond patters without the ragged edges showing.  I eventually decided on cutting out 5in squares and just folding in the edges and sewing them shut.  So I get started....and my machine keeps bunching up, reminding me constantly that I am a less than stellar seamstress. 

Who am I kidding, I'm a total novice.   So I spend an awful lot of time ripping seam and rethreading (two things I am fairly good at by now).  I FINALLY get all the black diamonds done, load up a red bobbin, get it in the machine and....the bottom thread won't come up.  Now, this is a MAJOR issue.  I try everything.  I take it apart, rethread, troubleshoot online, cuss, rant and almost break into tears (it is almost 2 am at this point).  So I figure, what the hell one more time......put it back together, load it up, turn the little wheel on the side.  no good.   Dammit.  So, in frustration, I crank the wheel the other way.  VIOLA!!  thread.  Would you believe I had simply been turning the damn thing the wrong way.   What the HELL?!?!?  Who dreams up these contraptions.  So, here I am, 3 hours after starting this simple, quick project.  I am finished with the diamonds!!!! Then I set them on the shirt to see how they will look when sewn on and realize that I should have sewn them on BEFORE sewing the two sides together.  Looks like I will be hand sewing on most of them  /head desk

At least I have something to show for all my woe.  These diamonds are definitely not my best friend:

Yes, I know, one of the red ones is crooked, shut up!!  Did you not just read that^^??

I have lost my effing mind!!

Now, I know I have been called crazy before.  I have even called myself crazy, but recently I went clear off the deep end.  I am certifiable!  I signed up to run a half marathon!!  Do you even know how long that is?  13.1 miles.  20 or so K.  What the HELL was I thinking??

Nothing like my fear of failure to motivate me. 

The farthest I have ever run in my life, prior to signing up, was 4 miles.  Lately I have made it to 4.25, but for real, I still have NINE MILES to go.   shit. 

Oh well, I guess I suck it up and keep on running.  Some crazy person has taken over my body with a mission to make it thinner and stronger than it was when they took up residence.


On a completely unrelated note...well not entirely, I am still crazy, I have decided that this month my sister and I will go dress shopping.  DRESS SHOPPING!  What kind of person have I become. 

Yes, it is for her wedding.  Yes, I NEED a dress for the wedding. No, I don't particularly want to go. 

Sacrifices must be made.  So on top of my new obsession with fish, my insane ideas about running, my urge to go dress shopping, and my actually learning to sew,  I have deemed myself utterly unwell and will soon be checking in the Bellvue, or Arkham, whichever is, in fact, closer.

The Making of Harley Quinn, Part 1

So, my cousins kid is having a superhero sleepover.  Sounds like a fun idea.  All the kids are going to dress up in superhero pajamas and the adults (some of us) will be dressing as villians.  We are trying to stick to batman villians because they are the most easily recognizable.  I chose to do Harley Quinn (I hate cats, so Catwoman was out lol).  My husband is goin gto be Two-Face.   The kids are going to chase us around all day and basically try to end us.  We are supposed to be pelted with water balloons at the end of the night, so that should be a blast.

Here's the rub....how do I become Harley Quinn?  Well, I have a sewing machine.  I have red and black shirts.  I have scissors.  And idea is brewing. 

So today, I cut two shirts in half and sewed them together.  It turned out pretty ok.  Now I think I really can go about making a decent Harley outfit....it won't be exact, but I think I can manage something resembling her look.  I am pretty excited for it now!

For those of you with no idea, this is Harley Quinn:

Since I am not wearing long sleeves and a full body suit in May in Tx, I am having to modify it.  I am sticking to the color and diamond theme, but am going to try to make a convinceing outfit with what I have and not go to crazy with it.  This is my first EVER sewing project affter all!!

Here is phase one.  I have not decided if I want to hem up the longer shirt, leave it, or maybe cut the bottoms of both shirts into jagged points...any suggestions welcome:

Not a bad start, let me know what you think and where I should go from here....

Fish, frogs and snails.

I have been looking for a fish tank.  I have had almost every animal one can imagine.  I wanted to try my hands at fish.  I think I can do it, but the more I read on it, the more complicated it seems.  I have been looking for an easy set up, tank, stand, accesories....etc.  So, I have looked at petsmart, petco, craigslist.  I simply could not find anything that I wanted in my budget.  

I finally found something!  On craigslist!  I found a 30 gallon tank that has not only all the accessories, but also a boatload of guppies, snails and 2 frogs.  Its very cool.  I got the stand and everything for relatively cheap.  The boys love it!!

I did not really want guppies and snails, but I figure if I can keep them alive for awhile, long enough to get the hang of it, I will move on to more exotic fish.  Thankfully I know a lot of people who are relatively successful at raising fish, so there is a fount of knowledge to be tapped.

Birthday boys

My childrens birthdays are coming up. Carter on the 3rd of April and Jaxon on the 2nd of May.  They will be 3 and 5 respectively.  I am so excited that they are growing up, but I will admit that it is sad too.  Soon they won't be my little babies anymore, but my big boys.  Jaxon will be going to school soon and I will be teaching Carter all his colors (which he knows most of) and how to tell which letters are which.  They are both so freaking smart.

I hate the whole idea of birthdays and parties, but I want these days to be special for them.  I want to give them everything they want, when I really have no idea what that is.  They don't need toys, they don't play with the ones they have usually.  They both have about 5 that they love, and thats not going to change with new toys.  What they really love is to socialize, so I guess thats the reason for the parties.

I always feel bad because, since thier birthdays are about a month apart, I just wait until mid April and have a party for both at once.   I feel like this is kind of cheating them out of thier special day, but in fairness, we do cupcakes and a few little gifts on thier actual birthdays.  So I guess that makes up for it.

We will be spending Tuesday, Carters birthday, at the park. I see a lot of running, screaming kids just having a good time.   I suppose that is really the important thing.  I shall have to ask to see what Jaxon wants to do on his birthday.  He will probably want the park too.  They are so easy to please.   We are going to have the big party at a park as well.  It just seems to work out better that way. 

One day I would love to have a house big enough, and enough land, to host a great party for them.  Maybe by the time they are old enough to enjoy football we will have enough room for an improptu field to play on.  Time will tell I suppose

Bad luck

I have had the worst luck lately.  It seems like nothing goes in my favor.  I broke my luck necklace and that may be the cause.  After the sunburn and the radiator hose in my car exploding, I have ruined about 3 shirts with my clumbsiness.  I can't sleep, ever.  I have bruises in places I didn't think it was even possible to get bruises.  Tonight, I was trying to take my sister and kids to see my mom and grandma, and the same damn jeep we just fixed died on me.  Just quit.  I was so ticked.  I spent 3 hours on the side of the road with my kids trying to figure it out.  I still never did.  So for the second times in as many weeks I have had to leave my jeep sitting on the side of the road, unrunning.  I am missing precious time with my grandmother, who has demetia and is slowly forgetting everything.  I feel like I am missing out on some of the best times we have left.  It is incredibly frustrating to keep pushing and pushing and getting nowhere.  It's like running head first into a brick wall repeatedly.  I am hoping to break through soon, but I feel like I am going nuts here.  So much stress!

Adventures

I went tanning for the first time in my life the other day.  It was pretty relaxing, howeer, the parts of me that don't normally get tan got FRIED!  Let me just say that haveing your ass burnt is less than pleasant.  Of course, by today most of the redness on my body is now a pretty golden tan.  I can see that once I figure out the timing (and how to get some of the places I missed), this is going to be pretty sweet.  No ridiculously white legs for me this year!!  I may actually be able to wear shorts without blinding the general population.

I think I forgot to tell about my dress search adventure with my sister and mom.  It was pretty awesome to say the least.   First, I found a Jamba Juice!!  I was so excited.  I've not had a Razzmatazz smoothie since I left Monterey back in '01.  Then I noticed that right next to the bridal place there was a giant music store.  So, since I was ridiculously early as always, I went in and hung out.  Very cool.  To top it off, my sister picked the third dress she tried on, which ruled, because I hate dress shopping.

I didn't get to get my tattoo cuz we ran out of time, but I did find some pretty cool boots.  So, I guess in the end that day was a win too.  I am sure that Ryan is tired of me spending all my money on new clothes!

Dresses, ick

Tomorrow, oh who am I kidding, later today, I am going shopping....for a dress.....with my sister.  I HATE dresses, almost as much as I hate shopping.  I have to spend all day looking at things I don't care to much about. At least my mom and sister will be around, so at least it will be funny.  I'm sure it will not be near as bad as I think it is going to be.  Hopefully we will be able to carve out an hour or two to visit the tattoo parlor.  That will make the whole thing worthwhile, lol.


Been doing a lot of reading lately. Reading some newer books.  I had been in a classics phase, which is good, because there are so many great older books out there.  Now I have to get caught up on newer ones.  It is intersting to note the differences in the two, but also how similar they can be.  Now, I am tired.  I will probably not be able to sleep, but I'm going to give it that old college try.

A day of riches

I was excited to see that I got my money for school today.  My GI money is basically like free income, so I love when it comes in.  Got a huge sum today, so I decided to catch up on some bills and get some credit cards payed down.  It is real nice being caught up.  I also decided to do a little shopping.  I was in desperate need of clothes, pants especially.  I went to the store and bought myself two pairs of jeans, which doesn't sound like much, but I can make 2 pairs last awhile.  Then I bought Ryan two new pairs of shorts, because when summer comes, he lives in them!  Then I went a little crazy buying the boys clothes.  They got shorts and shirts, which is good because they were short on both.  Don't know what happened to all the kid clothes I used to have!! 

Anyways, we went to eat, because we were starving and Jaxon had to have Chinese.  It was great.  Then we went and bought Ryan and I new bikes, which I am STOKED about.  I love riding my bike, but the one I had is a bit run down and not in very good shape.  So, now I can't wait to ride it, only it supposed to be crazy windy and rainy for the rest of the week.  DOH!!!

Oh, the best part about all of this, we got to do all this running around in a practically brand new 2011 Chevy Silverado Crew Cab.  My hubs traded in his car for a truck.  The truck he bought had not even hit the lot yet, so they said they would need to keep it, clean out the plugs, change the tires, detail it, and replace a few items he pointed out.  So they have had it for the last few days.  They gave him a loaner, a 2010 Chrystler Sebring, which was AWESOME to drive, but he told them he really needed the truck because he was helping my cousin fix a fence.....so they said, cool, we will loan you a truck.

Now I don't think he want's to give it back!!  Lol, so anyways, I had, and then spent a lot of money today, but it is worth it to live like a celebrity for a day.

Road Trippin'

After having to call in on Wednesday to fight the evil sick bug I had, I laid around Thursday and did nothing.  Friday, we decided to take the rescue dog, Nutmeg, up to Wichita.  My mom said she would meet us in OKC but I figured what the hell, we could go, and the kids could see two grandmas and some aunts and uncles and kill a lot of birds with just one stone. 

It was pretty fun.  We got to see family, some old friends, chat, hang out, drink beer.  I gave the dog to my mom, who loves her.  She says that Meg gets along great with Vanilla and that she thinks they will get on just fine.  That is a relief, I was a little afraid.

Got home in time to see the Academy Awards, which was my one stipulation about going in the first place.  I loved it, as I do every year, even though it was really not what it has been in past years.  

I am tired, a little hung over, have the munchies, and can not sleep.  I had five days off that felt like one, but it was worth it.  I did sign up for my next 5k today.  We will be running on St Patties day.  I'm pretty excited, but I haven't run in awhile, so I will be hurting for sure.  It seems to be an entire festival type thing, so the kids can go and hang out.  Sounds like a lot of good fun.

After spending 7 hours on the road today, I would really just love to lay down and chill the fuck out.  I think I will...have a beer, watch some Hercules, and maybe eat a couple oreos.  Sounds like a total win.  Great way to end a pretty awesome weekend.

Guitar Magic

I am obsessed with guitars.  I love their sound, their look, everything about them.  I even own two.  I love them!  I've got this great Washburn acoustic and an awesome Ibanez SG1 Gibson tribute guitar.  Beautiful.  My Luna and Josie, respectively.  Here's the rub, I have no idea how to play guitar...

Well, I did it.  Today I picked up my guitar and sat down with a purpose to actually learn something.   I have had my guitars for almost 12 years and have learned to play nothing except a poor version of "My Sharona" and "Puff the Magic Dragon".  Today, with my renewed determination and drive, I learned 3 whole chords and now know enough to play "Wild Thing"!  It may not sound like much, but I am learning actual chords and how to transition between them.  The first three I learned are probably the easiest, but a girl has got to start somewhere, and thats already more than I knew before. 

Now, I am going to go play Zelda, because for some reason, that sound ridiculously fun and since everyone is going to bed, I can't very well play any more guitar.....well, unless I play my unplugged electric.  Hmmmm...maybe I'll do a bit of both.  Can't hurt, right?

Reaffirmation

I didn't start this blog with the intention of complaining, but lately it seems as though everything is going wrong.  Maybe it's just because I'm sick and I feel like death only slightly warmed over.  So, in am effort to combat my sick blues, I am going to write out the good things about to day.

1. My kids have not destroyed my house, despite being left pretty much to thier own devices.
2. Potty training is going well, both for my son and for the dog we are taking to my mom.
3. I am completely finished with coursework for computer literacy, 1 week early, and have maintained a perfect 100 percent so far in the class.
4. I have Netflix, so at least I'm not bored sitting here on my couch.
5. I have awesome friends, and though I mostly connect with them through facebook, they are always there for me.
6. Hubby put some kind of pork roast in the croc pot this morning so dinner is hassle free and done.

Yep, thats a pretty damn good list.  I forgot that I also, with the unexpected addition of todays sick day, have off until Monday!  So, I should have plenty of time to recover and get my ass in gear.

Overwhelmed

Man, I am one hot mess today.  This week has been crazy stressful and it seems to keep getting worse.  I have been so busy with kids, school, dogs, work...  I feel like I am just about ready to drop from excess stimulation.  Then I come home, lay in bed, close my eyes, and don't sleep.  I'm so tired!  Once I finally get to sleep I am back up again a few hours later.  It's insane.
Also, truth be told, Hercules is not as good as Xena.  A minor issue, but still.

I have been havine a really hard time concentrating on my eating.  I have lost the dedication I had and the willpower to avoid things, or in some cases limit, the things I want.  I have a feeling I am heading for a meltdown of some kind.  All that is left now is to see what kind it will be.  

Tomorrow, my new mattress will be delivered.  I am hoping it will help with my back pain and my sleep issues.  I guess I will find out.  Also, tomorrow, my girl scout cookies will be delivered.  I'm pretty stoked about that at least.

Valentines Day

I HATE Valentines day. I always have.  I simply have no use for it.  I don't think the idea of giving loved ones little gifts to justify your love is appropriate.  I guess I'm all for telling those you love that you love them everyday.  That should be enough, right? 

So, my husband bought me a laptop yesterday.  In fact, it is on our dual credit account, so technically we bought one, and we were going to do it no matter what, so he jokes that since we did it on V-day weekend, it was a valentines gift.  BLEGH!!!  In return, I told him I would treat him to dinner.  His choice.  He chose outback, all was right with the world.  Then, we decided to go look at mattresses since ours is in need of an update and we wake up sore and cranky everyday.

4 hours at a mattress store with 2 little boys (one in the middle of potty training) is a total nightmare.  Luckily, there were plenty of places to lie down.   Long story short, the sales guy was uber nice and patient and our mattress will be delivered on Saturday.  I guess as far as a lame holiday goes, this one wasnt so bad.   BRING ON ST. PATS.  Green AND beer?! Thats a holiday I can totally get behind!

Grade, Dogs, and Holes! Oh my!!

What an exciting couple of days.  I stayed up very late Thursday writing a research paper so I could see if my instructor would look over it and suggest any rivisions that needed to be made.   I was SOOOO stressed out about it.  I sent it to her and she gushed over it saying how good it was.  I guess I stressed for nothing.  I have self-diagnosed kakosbathiophobia (which I have recently learned is the technical term for a fear of bad grades).  So, I guess that was a totally unwarranted fear.

Yesterday I rescued a dog from a negligent owner.  She is a sweet little weenie dog.  I think my mom is going to give her a new, loving forever home.  I have had her for almost two days and no one has come looking for her.  Her previous owner live 3 houses down.  They would let her just roam the neighborhood all the time.  She doesn't even wear a collar anymore.  Last time I had her at my house I let her go because of the collar.  Well, hubby and I talked it over and decided that if we saw her again, we were taking her in.  Now I just have to get her up to Kansas when my mom gets home from Florida.  Two weeks of little dog!!!!   Mom has decided to name her Nutmeg, we call her Meg.  She is an absolute doll, but a very skinny little thing.

Lastly, I went and got another piercing.  Seems  I reward my self with holes.  This time I got the cartilage in my left ear pierced.  Hurts like hell.  Way more than my nipples did, which is wierd.  I guess.   I may have to lay off the steel for awhile.  Three new holes in 2 weeks is a little much.

Finally, today I am going to go get a new laptop.  Something I so desperately need.  I will be turning my desktop in to a photo storage and music managing tool.  I plan to take everything else off of it.  I am pretty damn excited about it. 

Workplace Woes

I used to be in the military.  It wasn't glamorous, and I didn't really enjoy all the military part of it, but my job, I loved my job.  I was a Russian Linguist.  Kind of a low grade spy I guess.  It was a lot of fun.  I was forced out because of my weight, I was to fat to sit in a chair and listen to people talk.  I guess there are standards, but that was really a defining moment in my self loathing.

Now, I work at a retail chain.  I pick up shit off the floor because people are assholes.  I refold shirts and organize hangers.  This is how far I've fallen.  I am not a glorified janitor.  It is fairly depressing.  I've had a lot of jobs, I have worked for the government a couple of time, including a stint at the Post Office.  Trying to find a job I love.  I have been an electrician, installed cable and satellites, the afforementioned translator and redirector of mail, I have even washed cars for a living.  Nothing seems to fit. 

I love languages.  I speak several.  I'm not really fluent in any, but I can get by in quite a few places.  It's handy and it interests me.  I am finally at a place in my life where I am happy with 90 percent of it.  I like where I live well enough, I would like a bigger place, but this one will suffice for the time being, I like my car.  I love my husband and children, both furry and non.   I just LOATHE my job.  If I can fix that one little speck I may find myself truly happy for perhaps the first time ever. That would be an interesting feeling..

I suppose I should consider myself lucky to even have a job, but I can't bring myself to do so.  I think I may simply be overwhelmed with work, school, kids, late nights full schedules.  I've got a lot going on.  My weight loss has stalled and that annoys me, even when I do everything right, nothing.  I wish I were able to find the time and energy I need to hit a gym, but, thats life, right?

A New Beginning

I have been "starting over" for well over a year now.  It seems I am finally to a place where I feel like I am making progress.   In the last year, I have moved two states away, given up and found a job, changed houses at least twice, lost a dog, gained a puppy, changed my hair color a couple times, lost nearly 80 pounds and got a new tattoo and a couple of piercings.  It has been interesting, to say the least.

I started this blog to keep track of my musings, I have a lot going on in my head and sometimes it just helps to get it out.  Today, I guess I'll start with what is on my mind at the moment, the afforementioned piercings.

I got my nipples pierced yesterday.  You may think, "Why in THE hell would you want to do that?".  Well, I have always found it fascinating, but was always so deep in self loathing that I would not go get it done.  I could not stand the idea of taking my shirt off in front of a stranger and "letting it all hang out".  Yesterday, after months of telling myself that I have a body to be proud of, even if it still needs a little work, I did it.  I stood there, topless in front of not only a complete stranger, but also my sister in law.  It was strange, but not uncomfortable.  I think I have finally reached a place where I feel comfortable in my own skin, which is something I don't think I have ever been before.

My husband thinks I'm nuts.  He just doesn't get it.  Men walk around topless all the time.  Why would I want to pierce something that a very limited amout of people are going to see?  I've tried to explain that I don't get tattoos and piercings for other people to see.   They are for me.  An affirmation that I am living this life.  A story on (and embedded in) my skin.  My body is a book, and perhaps not everybody understands the language, but ask and I will translate. I will share my story.

I guess that's also why I decided to start a blog.