Road Trippin'

After having to call in on Wednesday to fight the evil sick bug I had, I laid around Thursday and did nothing.  Friday, we decided to take the rescue dog, Nutmeg, up to Wichita.  My mom said she would meet us in OKC but I figured what the hell, we could go, and the kids could see two grandmas and some aunts and uncles and kill a lot of birds with just one stone. 

It was pretty fun.  We got to see family, some old friends, chat, hang out, drink beer.  I gave the dog to my mom, who loves her.  She says that Meg gets along great with Vanilla and that she thinks they will get on just fine.  That is a relief, I was a little afraid.

Got home in time to see the Academy Awards, which was my one stipulation about going in the first place.  I loved it, as I do every year, even though it was really not what it has been in past years.  

I am tired, a little hung over, have the munchies, and can not sleep.  I had five days off that felt like one, but it was worth it.  I did sign up for my next 5k today.  We will be running on St Patties day.  I'm pretty excited, but I haven't run in awhile, so I will be hurting for sure.  It seems to be an entire festival type thing, so the kids can go and hang out.  Sounds like a lot of good fun.

After spending 7 hours on the road today, I would really just love to lay down and chill the fuck out.  I think I will...have a beer, watch some Hercules, and maybe eat a couple oreos.  Sounds like a total win.  Great way to end a pretty awesome weekend.

Guitar Magic

I am obsessed with guitars.  I love their sound, their look, everything about them.  I even own two.  I love them!  I've got this great Washburn acoustic and an awesome Ibanez SG1 Gibson tribute guitar.  Beautiful.  My Luna and Josie, respectively.  Here's the rub, I have no idea how to play guitar...

Well, I did it.  Today I picked up my guitar and sat down with a purpose to actually learn something.   I have had my guitars for almost 12 years and have learned to play nothing except a poor version of "My Sharona" and "Puff the Magic Dragon".  Today, with my renewed determination and drive, I learned 3 whole chords and now know enough to play "Wild Thing"!  It may not sound like much, but I am learning actual chords and how to transition between them.  The first three I learned are probably the easiest, but a girl has got to start somewhere, and thats already more than I knew before. 

Now, I am going to go play Zelda, because for some reason, that sound ridiculously fun and since everyone is going to bed, I can't very well play any more guitar.....well, unless I play my unplugged electric.  Hmmmm...maybe I'll do a bit of both.  Can't hurt, right?

Reaffirmation

I didn't start this blog with the intention of complaining, but lately it seems as though everything is going wrong.  Maybe it's just because I'm sick and I feel like death only slightly warmed over.  So, in am effort to combat my sick blues, I am going to write out the good things about to day.

1. My kids have not destroyed my house, despite being left pretty much to thier own devices.
2. Potty training is going well, both for my son and for the dog we are taking to my mom.
3. I am completely finished with coursework for computer literacy, 1 week early, and have maintained a perfect 100 percent so far in the class.
4. I have Netflix, so at least I'm not bored sitting here on my couch.
5. I have awesome friends, and though I mostly connect with them through facebook, they are always there for me.
6. Hubby put some kind of pork roast in the croc pot this morning so dinner is hassle free and done.

Yep, thats a pretty damn good list.  I forgot that I also, with the unexpected addition of todays sick day, have off until Monday!  So, I should have plenty of time to recover and get my ass in gear.

Overwhelmed

Man, I am one hot mess today.  This week has been crazy stressful and it seems to keep getting worse.  I have been so busy with kids, school, dogs, work...  I feel like I am just about ready to drop from excess stimulation.  Then I come home, lay in bed, close my eyes, and don't sleep.  I'm so tired!  Once I finally get to sleep I am back up again a few hours later.  It's insane.
Also, truth be told, Hercules is not as good as Xena.  A minor issue, but still.

I have been havine a really hard time concentrating on my eating.  I have lost the dedication I had and the willpower to avoid things, or in some cases limit, the things I want.  I have a feeling I am heading for a meltdown of some kind.  All that is left now is to see what kind it will be.  

Tomorrow, my new mattress will be delivered.  I am hoping it will help with my back pain and my sleep issues.  I guess I will find out.  Also, tomorrow, my girl scout cookies will be delivered.  I'm pretty stoked about that at least.

Valentines Day

I HATE Valentines day. I always have.  I simply have no use for it.  I don't think the idea of giving loved ones little gifts to justify your love is appropriate.  I guess I'm all for telling those you love that you love them everyday.  That should be enough, right? 

So, my husband bought me a laptop yesterday.  In fact, it is on our dual credit account, so technically we bought one, and we were going to do it no matter what, so he jokes that since we did it on V-day weekend, it was a valentines gift.  BLEGH!!!  In return, I told him I would treat him to dinner.  His choice.  He chose outback, all was right with the world.  Then, we decided to go look at mattresses since ours is in need of an update and we wake up sore and cranky everyday.

4 hours at a mattress store with 2 little boys (one in the middle of potty training) is a total nightmare.  Luckily, there were plenty of places to lie down.   Long story short, the sales guy was uber nice and patient and our mattress will be delivered on Saturday.  I guess as far as a lame holiday goes, this one wasnt so bad.   BRING ON ST. PATS.  Green AND beer?! Thats a holiday I can totally get behind!

Grade, Dogs, and Holes! Oh my!!

What an exciting couple of days.  I stayed up very late Thursday writing a research paper so I could see if my instructor would look over it and suggest any rivisions that needed to be made.   I was SOOOO stressed out about it.  I sent it to her and she gushed over it saying how good it was.  I guess I stressed for nothing.  I have self-diagnosed kakosbathiophobia (which I have recently learned is the technical term for a fear of bad grades).  So, I guess that was a totally unwarranted fear.

Yesterday I rescued a dog from a negligent owner.  She is a sweet little weenie dog.  I think my mom is going to give her a new, loving forever home.  I have had her for almost two days and no one has come looking for her.  Her previous owner live 3 houses down.  They would let her just roam the neighborhood all the time.  She doesn't even wear a collar anymore.  Last time I had her at my house I let her go because of the collar.  Well, hubby and I talked it over and decided that if we saw her again, we were taking her in.  Now I just have to get her up to Kansas when my mom gets home from Florida.  Two weeks of little dog!!!!   Mom has decided to name her Nutmeg, we call her Meg.  She is an absolute doll, but a very skinny little thing.

Lastly, I went and got another piercing.  Seems  I reward my self with holes.  This time I got the cartilage in my left ear pierced.  Hurts like hell.  Way more than my nipples did, which is wierd.  I guess.   I may have to lay off the steel for awhile.  Three new holes in 2 weeks is a little much.

Finally, today I am going to go get a new laptop.  Something I so desperately need.  I will be turning my desktop in to a photo storage and music managing tool.  I plan to take everything else off of it.  I am pretty damn excited about it. 

Workplace Woes

I used to be in the military.  It wasn't glamorous, and I didn't really enjoy all the military part of it, but my job, I loved my job.  I was a Russian Linguist.  Kind of a low grade spy I guess.  It was a lot of fun.  I was forced out because of my weight, I was to fat to sit in a chair and listen to people talk.  I guess there are standards, but that was really a defining moment in my self loathing.

Now, I work at a retail chain.  I pick up shit off the floor because people are assholes.  I refold shirts and organize hangers.  This is how far I've fallen.  I am not a glorified janitor.  It is fairly depressing.  I've had a lot of jobs, I have worked for the government a couple of time, including a stint at the Post Office.  Trying to find a job I love.  I have been an electrician, installed cable and satellites, the afforementioned translator and redirector of mail, I have even washed cars for a living.  Nothing seems to fit. 

I love languages.  I speak several.  I'm not really fluent in any, but I can get by in quite a few places.  It's handy and it interests me.  I am finally at a place in my life where I am happy with 90 percent of it.  I like where I live well enough, I would like a bigger place, but this one will suffice for the time being, I like my car.  I love my husband and children, both furry and non.   I just LOATHE my job.  If I can fix that one little speck I may find myself truly happy for perhaps the first time ever. That would be an interesting feeling..

I suppose I should consider myself lucky to even have a job, but I can't bring myself to do so.  I think I may simply be overwhelmed with work, school, kids, late nights full schedules.  I've got a lot going on.  My weight loss has stalled and that annoys me, even when I do everything right, nothing.  I wish I were able to find the time and energy I need to hit a gym, but, thats life, right?

A New Beginning

I have been "starting over" for well over a year now.  It seems I am finally to a place where I feel like I am making progress.   In the last year, I have moved two states away, given up and found a job, changed houses at least twice, lost a dog, gained a puppy, changed my hair color a couple times, lost nearly 80 pounds and got a new tattoo and a couple of piercings.  It has been interesting, to say the least.

I started this blog to keep track of my musings, I have a lot going on in my head and sometimes it just helps to get it out.  Today, I guess I'll start with what is on my mind at the moment, the afforementioned piercings.

I got my nipples pierced yesterday.  You may think, "Why in THE hell would you want to do that?".  Well, I have always found it fascinating, but was always so deep in self loathing that I would not go get it done.  I could not stand the idea of taking my shirt off in front of a stranger and "letting it all hang out".  Yesterday, after months of telling myself that I have a body to be proud of, even if it still needs a little work, I did it.  I stood there, topless in front of not only a complete stranger, but also my sister in law.  It was strange, but not uncomfortable.  I think I have finally reached a place where I feel comfortable in my own skin, which is something I don't think I have ever been before.

My husband thinks I'm nuts.  He just doesn't get it.  Men walk around topless all the time.  Why would I want to pierce something that a very limited amout of people are going to see?  I've tried to explain that I don't get tattoos and piercings for other people to see.   They are for me.  An affirmation that I am living this life.  A story on (and embedded in) my skin.  My body is a book, and perhaps not everybody understands the language, but ask and I will translate. I will share my story.

I guess that's also why I decided to start a blog.